Spirit of Thankfulness

It has been a tough year. No, let’s be honest—it’s been a tough 3-1/2 years. From the first diagnosis of cancer for Jeff, through his surgeries, some not cancer-related, to his final stay in the Hospice Center, we have been through the ringer. And then to deal now with my own diagnosis of breast cancer has felt like a punch in the gut.

I cannot say that I give thanks for these things. There may come a day when I can actually give thanks FOR them; I can’t imagine that day just yet, but I leave open the possibility.

I can give thanks in the midst of these things. And so I do, I give thanks for the love and commitment Jeff and I had for each other; I give thanks for our two sons; I give thanks for our granddaughter; I give thanks for my loving family, and for Jeff’s; I give thanks for how my congregation and friends have taught me to accept their gifts and support; I give thanks for having a truly amazing health insurance program through the Annual Conference that we could face these years without being entirely bankrupted; and I give thanks for having Life Insurance that enables us to stay in our home now.

I could go on and on. I think you catch my drift. I do give thanks in the midst of all circumstances for the will of God is that I see my life as a gift, and through God’s Spirit I am filled.

Thanks be to God.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-19

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit.

Growing Up

What do I want to be when I grow up? Or more to the point, what do I really want to do when I am on my own? That’s important to figure out because the day is coming in the not too distant future.

I have spent so many years juggling the desires and needs of others that I am not really sure what I want to do all on my own. I get little glimpses into this dilemma when I find myself home alone for several hours. I have never been a stay-at-home mom. I don’t find great joy in doing housework. I love to read but I need human stimulation as well. I like to cook but really for special occasions. I think I would like to weave again, but it’s been so long that I’m not sure. All of these are things that are mostly on the outside of me.

What I really want is to be, as Jen has said, “so full of Christ that there is no room for regrets.” This is especially true as I have faced once again the truth that all the plans I make for the distant or even not so distant future can be thrown awry at anytime.

The phrase that keeps coming to mind is one from the old RSV of the Bible: “into the fullness of the measure of the stature of Christ.” What do I want to be when I grow up, or when I am on my own? I want to be at peace with God, with myself, with my family, with my neighbors. I want to be so full of Christ that there is no room for regrets.

P.S. My surgery went well. The sentinel lymph nodes were clear of cancer. Now I wait for the word on when radiation begins. Thank you all for your prayers, cards, meals and support.

Ephesians 4:13

until all of us come to the unity of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the measure of the full stature of Christ.

Mercies in Disguise

The Psalmists were really good at telling it like it is. When they were happy, they praised God. When they were mad, they railed at God; then they praised God. When they were sad, they rolled in it; then they praised God. When they were forgetful, they remembered their history; and then they praised God. When they thought God was forgetful, they reminded God who they were; then they praised God.

Over the past few weeks, I have been a bit mad, a bit sad, a bit forgotten. I have railed; I have rolled; and I have reminded. I have agreed with Teresa of Avila who said to Jesus, "If this is how you treat your friends, no wonder you don't have too many."

And then in the midst of it all, I have remembered God's faithfulness. God never promised that life would be smooth sailing, or a piece of cake. God promised to be with me through it all, and so God is faithful.

A song that just came out this past spring, Blessings by Laura Stories, says, "What if trials in this life are your mercies in disguise?"

At 11 a.m. on 11/11, I will have a lumpectomy to remove an invasive ductal carcinoma in my left breast. It is small and slow growing, only a Stage 1. The MRI indicates that it is the only one on either side. A mercy in disguise? A chance to trust God’s faithfulness.

Railing, rolling, reminding, but also praising. God is faithful, and God is with me.

Psalm 27:1     

The Lord is my light and my salvation;
   whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the stronghold of my life;
   of whom shall I be afraid?

Friends

Friends

So often, I think I have to do it on my own, contrary to the evidence all around me. I may be a slow learner about this but not only am I surrounded by a great cloud of witnesses—the communion of saints who have gone before me--I am surrounded by a great crowd who witness to me of God’s gracious embrace.

I know that my calling and profession put me out in front in many ways, but I have always felt that I am really a back-stage person like I was in high school, working with Jeanette to get the costumes all ready for the performers. And so, I am almost always surprised when it is apparent that someone “sees” me, and then reaches out to me. I am reminded of Hagar in the wilderness with her son Ishmael She thought they would die in the wilderness but God heard, redeeming their lives.

I know that God sees and hears me. You are the evidence of that. I give thanks for the “drink of water” you offer me.

Genesis 21:17

And God heard the voice of the boy; and the angel of God called to Hagar from heaven, and said to her, “What troubles you, Hagar? Do not be afraid; for God has heard the voice of the boy where he is.”