Coming to Full Bud

This past week I participated in the third of five Leadership Journey retreats. Each retreat has followed a season of the year. The theme of this one for Spring was “Blooming in the Midst of Muck and Mire.” Part of the rhythm of these retreats is that we work with a poem, reflecting on our own lives through its images.

One of the poems was “Camas Lilies.” We were invited to write a story about a time when we experienced ourself in full bud; a time when we knew we were lovely. This was what I wrote and shared with my small group.

In this season of my life, I feel more of the fullness of blooming than I ever have. It has taken years of working with the SPRC (Staff-Parish Relations Committee) at Christ Crossman to overcome so many negative experiences over the years. I had come to almost hold my breath waiting for the negativism of feedback to begin, as the Chair of the committee at my first church began every meeting asking, “heard any complaints?” Now I am learning to experience breathing in the blessing of being with those who share affirmation. In this fertile soil, watered by blessing, warmed by open arms, I have been more able to put down deeper roots, reaching towards the sun with my branches, allowing buds to develop into fullness and bloom. I have experience greater freedom to grow in this inviting space and also offer that space to others. Instead of shovels trying to roughly dig me out, the tines of gardening forks have softened the soil to enable me to flourish. It has taken a community of grace, for which I am deeply thankful.

Colossians 2:2

I want their hearts to be encouraged and united in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding and have the knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ himself.

Reb Jesus

There’s an ad on the internet showing a job interviewee wearing a Doc Brown (of Back to the Future fame) contraption on his head. Whenever he uses a buzzword, he gets zapped. The word leadership these days has almost become a buzzword, but I hope you won’t zap me too much. After all, that is the track for the Doctor of Ministry program I begin next month. Actually, the reading has already started.

I really enjoyed the first book Leadership on the Line, by Ron Heifetz & Marty Linsky. The last chapter, “Sacred Heart,” touched me. Ron and his wife Sousan were in England over Rosh Hashanah. Meaning to travel to London to mark the holiday in a synagogue, they ended up in a village. While exploring they came upon an Anglican chapel. Put off at first by the large image of Jesus on the cross, Ron chose to speak to the figure as Reb Jesus, asking what he might have to teach Ron. A few minutes later, he spoke excitedly to his wife.

“Sousan, I need to share this with you, but I can’t tell you, I have to show you. Could you lay down here beneath this tree and stretch out your arms spread-eagled, and just stay there?”

Together they lay there outstretched, both of them looking up into the high branches of the tree. After a few moments, he turned to her.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Really vulnerable,” she answered.

“Me, too. And that’s it! That’s the message. That’s what we learned about sacred heart—the willingness to feel everything, everything, to hold it all without letting go of your work. To feel, as Reb Jesus felt, the gravest doubt, forsaken and betrayed near his moment of death. To cry out like King David in the wilderness, just when you desperately want to believe that you’re doing the right thing, that your sacrifice means something, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ But in nearly the same instant, to feel compassion, ‘Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.’ Jesus remained open.”[i]

What a powerful image of leadership.

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[i] Heifetz, Ronald A.; Linsky, Marty (2002-08-09). Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive Through the Dangers of Leading (pp. 229-230). Harvard Business Review Press. Kindle Edition.

Ephesians 2:17-18

So he came and proclaimed peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near; for through him both of us have access in one Spirit to the Father.

A Visual Reminder to Pray

In January, I had the privilege of offering the invocation at Kim Field’s promotion ceremony held at the Pentagon. While waiting for an escort to lead our group through the halls, I purchased a small snow globe of the Pentagon. I don’t usually buy souvenir items, so I wasn’t sure why I was getting it. It now sits on my bedside table. Whenever I look over and see it, I am reminded to pray for Kim and all the others who work at the Pentagon, and those who serve in the various branches of the military. My prayer is simple really: that their work will lead them to be peacemakers in the world. I don’t pretend that I have answers to all the big, sticky questions and conflicts in our world. All I know to do is hold all of them in the light of God’s mercy.

Sometimes I need visual reminders like the little snow globe. My own world view can often shrink down to my own experience and I forget that God’s view is so much bigger.

What reminds you to pray?

1 Corinthians 14:15

What should I do then? I will pray with the spirit, but I will pray with the mind also; I will sing praise with the spirit, but I will sing praise with the mind also.

Stepping out in Faith

I remember how my father used to tell me how important it was to ask questions. I also remember how he asked me what my goals were. That was always a tough question for me, not in the sense that I didn’t have goals, but because it was hard for me to see myself in the future, and where I wanted to be in the years ahead.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and discernment on that same question over the last couple of years. It still is not an easy process for me, but I have at least formulated some process goals.

I want to weave together work I have done over the years with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, with Bowen Family Systems, with conversations I have hosted over the last few years, and now with the Courage and Renewal network. I see possibilities of how this can strengthen our ministry together at Christ Crossman in reaching to the community around us. So in May, I will begin a doctorate of ministry program in Church Leadership Excellence at Wesley Theological Seminary. There will be two intensive weeks of classes in May of this year, in January and May of 2014, and in January of 2015. I already have about 9-10 books that I have to read before May 14, 2013, writing a reflection on each of them! If I seem a bit distracted over the next few weeks, that’s why.

Going back to school after over 30 years out is a bit unnerving for me, but I have gained strength by the give and take that we share together. The leaders and members of CCUMC have challenged and encouraged me over these twelve years. Together we have grown in exploring how God is calling us. I look forward to continuing that growth together. Our risen Lord calls us to step out in faith, and sometimes in risky ways, but we do not do it alone. We dream and vision and serve together empowered by God’s Spirit.

1 John 4:17

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world.