My Hymn of Praise

As a part of a presentation for one of my Doctorate of Ministry classes this month, I wrote out a brief version of my theology. It is not intended to be all-encompassing or appropriate for a systematic theology course. It does express what I have deeply believed and finally came to the ability to express it through what I have learned from and with the amazing Jennifer Secki Shields, our beloved director of Christian education. Please take my expression as a hymn of praise for our God who is Three-in-One.

 Our God is Trinity--everlasting, eternal relationship of the Three-in-One--in which abides such love that seeking more to love--power of love bursting forth - waves of love continue to resound throughout 13.7 billion years of creation shaping the stars and planets, and eventually the plants and animals.

 From the dust of the stars and this earth, we were shaped and breathed into the image of this God to live in relationship with each other as reflections of the Three-in-One who made us.

 We turned away from this holy love, marring, distorting the reflection.

 God called forth a people to be witnesses and a light to shine forth to draw all peoples to this source of light--the one who is the Beginning, the Life and the Purpose.

 We continued to turn away, even though prophets and teachers called us back.

 As we have turned away, God’s love remained steadfast--In love, this One who set all creation into motion chose to come among us, be born among us, grow up among us, teach us, heal us, feed us, and offer himself for us, giving his life when we required a sacrifice--forgiving us as we demanded his death.

 Love would not be silenced, and rose to new life, calling us again into a relationship that brings healing and wholeness, a remaking of the image of this Holy Love.

 As God’s forgiven and set-free people we are now called to be a sign by living in ways that invite others into relationships that reflect the Creating, Self-giving and in-Spiriting Love that heals and redeems without limit.

Psalm 104:33-34

I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God while I have being.

May my meditation be pleasing to God, for I rejoice in the Lord.

Disorientation

I popped my head into Kate's office in my desire to find a warm place to be for a few minutes since I need to stay away from the house. She asked if there was no pastor's note this week. That's how disoriented I have been all week.

Disorientation. Discombobulation. Those are the keys words for this week. Last Friday, all the packing away, with some things yet to be sorted, was done. Our house went on the market.

"We are living in someone else's house," one of my sons said. "Or what will soon be someone else's house."

We have to keep it spotless, ready to show at a moment's notice, with us out of it. Then the snow and the cold came. Through days of no school we had to find places to be for most of the day, just in case.

Walter Brueggemann, Old Testament scholar, talks about the cycle of orientation, disorientation and reorientation for the Hebrew people. They are oriented towards God; they turn away and are called back; they are reoriented towards God.

Our orientation has been towards having a house of our own after years of living in parsonages. We have lived in disorientation for the past five plus years since Jeff was first diagnosed with  cancer. We are being reoriented to what's important. A home is more than a house. A home is where we are together, wherever that may be. Home in the biggest sense is being together in the presence of our God who is Holy Triune Community.

This process of disorientation is not a bad thing but it is uncomfortable as we are slowly moved towards a new orientation. It helps me to remember where my true home, my true center is to be.

Psalm 131
O Lord, my heart is not lifted up,
my eyes are not raised too high;
I do not occupy myself with things
too great and too marvelous for me.
 But I have calmed and quieted my soul,
like a weaned child with its mother;
my soul is like the weaned child that is with me.
 O Israel, hope in the Lord
from this time on and forevermore.

Sorting

Sorting through decisions is not easy work. I had been thinking about this for quite some time. The weight of responsibility of all the maintenance for house and yard is more than I want to carry by myself. Yes, I have a great handyman who has worked with us for nine years, a really terrific housecleaner for the last two, and a young college student’s lawn service for the last year. They have made an incredible difference, but still the responsibility for all the decisions is mine.

Like many decisions in my life, I mull over them, trying them on in my mind, until the time seems right. To other folks, it might look like a spur-of-the-moment move, but generally it is not. So the house is going on the market, and we have been working hard to get it ready.

Sorting through a house is not easy work. Thanks to friends who have helped, we have made tremendous progress. In a way, I wanted it all to be sorted before this weekend, but with my classes these last two weeks, I couldn’t get it all done. I have realized that since the attic got sorted in a big way last Saturday, I now have space to put things up there that still need decisions made. Part of the problem with this process is that I when I hold an object in my hand, I remember where it came from, and what Jeff and I were doing. Memories can make it really hard to downsize. I keep reminding myself that while things may help me remember, they themselves are not the memories.

Sorting through a life is not easy work. What are the memories that bring joy? Which bring sadness? Or laughter? Or regret? Where are the tracks of grace? The hints of hope?

While the process of moving from the house that Jeff, the boys and I made into our home will be complete one day in the not too distant future, the process of examining my life will never be complete. Each new turning of the way brings new insights and understanding. The story is told in ever new ways because in all the decisions, in all the things, in all the parts of my life, God is ever present, nudging me on, walking with me, calling me forward to a life a purpose. And there is the grace.

Psalm 78.35:

They remembered that God was their rock, the Most High God their redeemer.

Deep Listening

Deep Listening: what does this mean to you?

This week, we began our exploration of spiritual practices for resurrection in the Recovery and Spirituality series. As I typed those two words, deep listening, my mind made a quick connection with deep massage when the depths of the muscles are manipulated. It requires a degree of relaxation and vulnerability that a cursory shoulder rub does not. And so too deep listening needs a willingness to drop some of the barriers that keep us at a surface level.

When we listen on the surface, our minds are often quick to make judgments and comments. We are formulating our response while only keeping half an ear cocked. We are not giving the gift of our full attention.

I can think of times when I have not been able to listen deeply. Sometimes it is because I am more desirous of making a good impression than of really listening. I can also think of times when I have not listened deeply because doing so would mean being accountable for the heart of the other. At even other times, I did not listen deeply because I was afraid of what I would hear.

As we explored why deep listening would be a spiritual practice for resurrection, Jen said resurrection is something so new that we cannot have any idea what it is like; thus we cannot have already decided what we think or shaped our responses. I like that. If I truly give my attention and am present to another person, to myself, or to God, then I will hear something new and surprising, not just something on the surface.

Help us explore empathy as a spiritual discipline for resurrection next Wednesday at 7:30 p.m. This Sunday, 1/12 at 10 a.m., we will consider powerlessness.

Song of Songs 8:13

O you who dwell in the gardens, my companions are listening for your voice; let me hear it.

Stepping from Old to New

We’ve just taken the first step into a new year. I am more mindful of change this time around. My sons are growing into young men. I watch with pride as they mature. There is knowledge I can try to share with them about these next steps in their lives, but unless knowledge is accompanied by wisdom it might not illuminate their paths well.

I can say the same thing about myself in the next steps in my life. I can gather as much information as possible but still I need wisdom. So I turn to an ages-old spiritual practice—examination of conscience. It is actually a good thing to do each night, but I want to look at my year. I have modified one that I learned when I was involved in the Walk to Emmaus. Maybe some of these questions can help you as well:

• ·      Have my thoughts and actions been full of grace?
• ·      How did I face problems that arose—

o   Did I try to power my way through them on my own?

o   Did I seek wise guidance?

o   Did I learn from those problems?

• ·      Did I stay close to the means of grace God has given us?
• ·      Did I reach out in service to others?
• ·      Where did I find joy?

Somehow in the action of typing these questions out, I find a bit more peace than I felt before. When things loom as an indistinct mass, they can feel threatening. When I can parse them out a bit, I can get a sense of perspective. God does not ask me to take on the whole world, past, present and future. God asks this moment of me.

Proverbs 2.6:

For the Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.