Poised at a Cusp

I am poised at a cusp in a way. This summer has been a time of healing and rest in a way. Yet in another way I have been very aware that at the end of it a huge adjustment is waiting for us, for me. An experience this Sunday afternoon highlights that for me.

With Bill and Barbara, Max and I went to see a delightful show at the Rockbox Theater in Fredericksburg, TX. For two hours, the resident band and a guest artist took us through memory lane with great rock-and-roll music. We all thoroughly enjoyed it. During the second half of the show, some of the country music of Ray Charles was featured. Jeff really loved Ray Charles in The Blues Brothers, but as I sat there I knew he would not have wanted to come to a performance like this one, especially in the last ten years or so. And then came Unchained Melody with it's haunting, smooth music and lyrics. Unbidden tears came to my eyes as I missed him so much.

As we fly back to Virginia and re-enter the flow of life, I know that folks will still make space for us to grieve and adjust to all the changes we will face. Part of me wants simply to plunge into the midst of all the busy-ness of fall. I have thoughts about vision and direction that I want to share. I have plans to accomplish. And yet at the edge of it all, or really in the midst of it all, there is trepidation about how the loss of Jeff from our daily lives will affect each of us.

And so I sit at the cusp of loss and of healing, of past and of future, of being nurtured and sheltered in the heart of family and of needing to step forward. As I ache with saying goodbye to Bill and Barbara, Kat, Travis and the babies, Jesus words about dying in order to live come to mind. In so many ways, I sit at the cusp of a seed that has fallen to the earth as I wait for it to grow and bear fruit.

John 12:24

Very truly, I tell you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain; but if it dies, it bears much fruit.