Wakeful Nights

Wakeful nights are not my druthers, though it has often been somewhat difficult for me to get to sleep, or go back to sleep if I wake during the night. I remember being wakeful in the nighttime when I was a child. In my marriage, it was a source of ironic humor that Jeff could go to sleep nearly at the drop of a hat as I lay awake pondering whatever conversation he had begun just beforehand. I developed a routine that worked for a number of years, but these days, I find myself once again wakeful at night.

My experience is in between what two of the Psalms describe. I do not “drench my couch with weeping” (Psalm 6:6), though I may find myself fretting and trying to solve problems that are not really mine to solve. I wish I could say my wakeful times were more like those described by another psalmist:

“My soul is satisfied as with a rich feast, and my mouth praises you with joyful lips when I think of you on my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night; for you have been my help, and in the shadow of your wings I sing for joy.” (Psalm 63:5-7)

I do find comfort that this statement of nighttime rejoicing comes in the middle of a prayer seeking God’s presence “as in a dry and weary land where there is no water.”

When the wakefulness is more fretful, I have discovered that writing down what is running through my mind can be helpful. That may be akin to taking care of what I can do and then leaving the rest to God. It is time to resume practicing the Jesus Prayer in my wakeful moments. If I can’t sleep, then I can at least find rest praying for mercy.

Psalm 63:8

My soul clings to you; your right hand upholds me.