"Never let your fear decide your fate"

I heard a song on the radio when Andrew and I were running some errands. It was on a station I do not normally listen to. A phrase in the song caught my attention: “never let your fear decide your fate.” Looking it up just now on the internet, I found that the band’s name is Awolnation. I am not familiar with them or their music, and the rest of the song didn’t grab me, but that particular phrase was powerful.

How often do we do just that—let our fear decide our fate? That attitude is so much at play in the world. I’m not talking about a healthy awareness of risk. I’m talking about allowing our fear to get the upper hand in our lives. Fear got the upper hand when George Zimmerman followed Trayvon Martin and ended up killing him.

Our fears may be small or they may be large. They may be justified or not. I would not intentionally expose myself to danger, but how often do I evaluate a situation as far more dangerous than it is simply because it is unknown and unfamiliar to me? Why don’t I look more with eyes and a heart of love and compassion? I really liked a meme I saw on Facebook last week: “I dream of a world where George Zimmerman offered Trayvon Martin a ride in the rain.” That would be a world where love and compassion take the upper hand.

1 John 4:18

Perfect love casts out fear.

Response to Injustice: Examine my own heart

What can we say in the midst of injustice? Do we assume that we are on the side of justice? Yesterday my older son Andrew said that he thinks both sides have it wrong on the Zimmerman/Martin case. Why would I think that he has any authority to speak a word on this matter? As a young man of mixed race, who is identified by most people as black, though raised in a home most would identify as white, he faces the same instantaneous judgments so quickly made by strangers.

In response to Andrew’s comment, I read him a blog post by Steve Garnaas-Holmes at Unfolding Light [scroll down to the entry titled “Neighborhood Watch]. He agreed that this was the best he has read about the issue.

We have to begin seeing others as neighbors. We have to pause to consider our own assumptions. We have to question where our thoughts and actions will lead. I know that this is not the way of the world, but this is the way of the Kingdom, or as some call it the Kindom of God. We are all kin because we are all children of our God who loves each one with the fullness of all love possible. This love is not limited by where or whom we are raised, to whom we are born, by what faith or non-faith we claim, or any other of a myriad of criteria set by humans. This love is not limited because it comes out of the limitless heart of the God we know most fully as Trinity--a community of love so powerful that all creation was set in motion by it.

With this said, it does not mean that we are not responsible and accountable for seeking justice in this world. While all human institutions have flaws, the United Methodist Church has stood on the side of justice in many ways. We need to keep challenging and being challenged in our efforts.

We also need to challenge our vision and our hearts to see and receive others as children of God, as sisters and brothers. This past Sunday during our hymn sing, we sang “Let There Be Peace on Earth.” We pray that peace begins with us, with me. Am I living in such a way that the way I treat others leads to peace or not?

Micah 6:8b

and what does the Lord require of you but to do justice, and to love kindness, and to walk humbly with your God?

Grateful for Community

Grateful… surrounded by loving community, even when it is across the miles.

Last December, we began our midweek prayer circle in the chapel. It’s open to anyone. Primarily, there are three of us who felt a deep need for a time when we weren’t talking about prayer, or learning more about it, but simply doing it together. Most of our time is spent in silence. Since we are mostly in silence, you might wonder why we do it together. There is community even in silence, when our quiet breathing helps us to be centered on the One who is Community personified. Our God who is Three in One graciously opens the Divine Community up to include us.

I think all three of us humans who have been gathering will readily admit that there are more than a few moments during our prayer when we become distracted. Thanks be to God that God does not ignore us during those moments. Slowly we bring our breathing and praying back into focus in God’s presence.

Summertime is tough to get together so we have gotten creative in using technology. We have connected in two places a few times. This week we connected from three separate locations. The miles don’t matter. It’s the community in God’s presence. And so today, I am grateful for how technology allows us to connect.

Matthew 18.20:

For where two or three are gathered in my name, I am there among them.”

A Creation Story

         This is a story of beginnings and new beginnings.

“In the beginning when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless void and darkness covered the face of the deep, while a wind from God swept over the face of the waters.” [Genesis 1:1-2]

“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.” [John 1:1]

As our Creator burst forth with the power of love, setting all creation into motion throughout over 13.7 billion years, that power of love has been at work in and through the person of Jesus even to this very day through our fellowship.

Part of the DNA of Christ Crossman UMC is to be a church on the edge. Crossman ME Church grew out of Fairfax Chapel, which began meeting around 1770. It was at Fairfax Chapel that Harry Hoosier, a black servant of Francis Asbury, was first witnessed preaching to blacks, mostly slaves.

         When the Civil War tore about the fabric of the United States, Fairfax Chapel was also torn apart. After the war, seventeen persons who had been opposed to slavery formed what became Crossman ME Church in 1872. As a “northern” church, it was definitely on the edges of a still predominantly southern society in Falls Church. Less politically, socially, and financially connected with the dominant society, the impetus of Crossman was to serve the community and the world.

In the 1940s, a group of persons from Cherrydale Church in Arlington began meeting as the Lee Mission. Serving the community and the world shaped the mission of what came to be called Christ Methodist Church. Both congregations grew with the post-World War II population boom.

In the mid-60s the population began to shift to the outer suburbs of the metro area. At first, the shift did not seem noticeable to those who were active in the congregations. They continued in their faithful gathering for worship and working in service to their communities. It was not until the shift and decline had been going on for over thirty years that either congregation began to realize that they had to make some serious decisions about how to be faithful and fruitful with shrinking numbers and resources.

At Christ Church, a few members realized that without a new paradigm their mission would soon become, as one member put it, “give us money to keep our doors open.” They knew that this was not true mission as the Body of Christ and began looking for a way to change that paradigm. They reached out to Crossman Church proposing a merger. In June of 1997, these two expressions of Methodismjoined forces.

For the first few years, all missions of both predecessor bodies were continued along with new avenues of mission. This began to prove unwieldy since the numbers of persons able and willing to serve had not greatly increased. Deaths and retirement moves took their tolls. It became obvious that continuing to function as we had for decades was not going to be the way to be a vibrant, fruitful fellowship for the 21^st century.

While building on the faithfulness of those who had gone before, we chose to take note of their essence, and not simply their style. Worship became more participatory and involved newer styles of music. With the dynamic leadership of our lay leaders, we became more willing to struggle with questions being asked by young adults in the society.

After receiving numerous proposals to redevelop our property to include some form of retail, Christ Crossman discerned that we needed to take the initiative ourselves. In 2012, the congregation established a goal to work towards building a residence for persons with intellectual disabilities either on our property or adjacent to it.

The fellowship of Christ Crossman sees our role as faithful stewards of God’s creation taking shape in our care of creation, in our partnership with differently-abled persons, and in welcoming, and accepting, all of God’s children to the Table. That Table is not just centered in our sanctuary. We take it out to edges of our world with us each week as the witnesses of the One who said, “See, I am making all things new…I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end.” [Revelation 21:5, 6]

Having a choice can make a huge difference

Having a choice can make a huge difference in how I face things. As much as I have worked with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator over the years, one statement I read early on has really stuck with me because I found it to be true in my own life. I think it was from a series of little pamphlets that paired two specific types. This particular pamphlet was about Jeff’s and my types. The statement was in relation to how each type handled money. For my type it said that we prefer to have more control over our money not so that we can spend it but so that we can have the option to spend it. Having the option was far more important than actually spending it. That really rang true for me, as did what I remember what it said about Jeff’s type regarding money as being for the purpose of spending.

Much more recently I was talking with my coach about a particular issue that was troubling me. As we talked, it became really clear that the choice in the matter was entirely up to me. No matter how much pressure I might receive from certain quarters, the decision was mine to make. When I realized that, I felt much freer to make a decision that was different than the one I automatically tended to jump to simply in reaction to feeling pressured. Knowing that it is my choice makes my attitude totally different. I feel freer and more at ease.

Knowing this about myself gives me pause in how much space I allow others, especially my son. It doesn’t mean that I give over all decision-making by any means, but it does remind me that bit by bit, more and more needs to be turned over. How else will he learn even more about making decisions, and taking responsibility for his own decisions?

I wonder if this is why God gave us the gift of free will, so that we can learn to take more responsibility for our own lives, without holding others responsible for our decisions whether good or ill.

2 Corinthians 9.7:

Each of you must give as you have made up your mind, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.

Community

I have loved the fundraisers at Flippin’ Pizza and Famous Dave’s. Of course, they have good food, but what I like is seeing so many folks I know there. It’s a real sense of community. Actually that’s one of the things I like about being in Falls Church. Almost everywhere I go, I see someone I know.

When I eat at the 4Ps, I often see Travis who started there as a waiter that Jeff and I enjoyed chatting with. He’s now a manager, and he’s a cancer survivor. When I go to the library, I see Sheila, mother to other band students. Sometimes when I eat at Famous Dave’s, I see Victor who used to come to CCUMC with his folks. He’s graduated from college and is now in graduate journalism school. I’ve run into our pediatrician at Starbucks.

I’m reminded that our mission is not just for the people who come through our doors. It’s also for the people we meet in our everyday lives whether they ever come to church or not, and even whether they are Christian or not. They are God’s children.

After eating with me at Famous Dave’s tonight where I talked to folks and then saw others in the parking lot, my older son commented that he couldn’t do my job. I love it. I get to meet and be with the people God loves. God graces me through them, and hopefully I share God’s grace with them as well.

Hebrews 13.2:

Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers, for by doing that some have entertained angels without knowing it.

It's about Relationship

As part of one of my classes, I’ve been asking a few folks questions about their experience over the years at Christ Crossman. What comes through the clearest is how important the relationships have been and are. “Being a part of something” is the way one long-time member put it.  Knowing that we come to a place where we are loved and accepted is vital.

I think this is right on target. The God we worship is not a concept or even a disinterested being. Even though the word Trinity never actually appears in the Bible, it is clear that our God has been about relationship since before the beginning of creation. The best way I can describe a mystery that is truly beyond my full conception is through relationship.

Within the community of God that we name as Trinity, love flowed, and flows, with such power that God wanted there to be more to love, and so that love burst forth with such force that all creation was set into motion. We can get an inkling of that when couples want to have a child because their love is so great that they want a third, or even a fourth, to share that love.

Being in relationship is important on so many different levels. Andrew was telling me about how a really good basketball team works. It’s more than just skill, which is also important; it’s about touching—through hand and back slaps and high fives—that keeps each member of the team connected to the other members. This makes them more than they are on their own. It’s more than just the sum of the parts.

That’s what Christ Crossman is for me. It’s about the relationships that reveal God’s love and presence to me and to others. It’s that we are more together than we can ever be apart. It is about “being a part of something” that is more than just ourselves. It’s about loving and being loved, accepting and being accepted.

John 13:35

"By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”

Search for the Perfect Shoes

Jeff was on a search for the perfect shoes, the perfect pen, the perfect jacket and the perfect vest. He would buy what he thought was THE ONE, but then he would see another one, and another one. I would roll my eyes. I probably had something to say as well. Finally, he realized that something had to be done. Oh, he didn’t stop the search or the buying; he just made himself give one away when he bought a new one.

Once I had the whole closet to myself, I found I was buying more things than before. My search for the perfect shoes was not because I like shoes, but because I was looking for the ones that felt most like being barefoot. I have a number of failures in that department sitting in my closet. My chosen discipline for Lent this year was to put a halt to buying clothes and shoes, and I have kept to that fairly well since. Now I need to start sorting out and giving away.

We have a tendency in the life of the church to keep acquiring as well, especially ministries. Once we have taken on a project or a ministry, we seem to want to hang on to it forever even when there are other things we need to do. When Christ UMC and Crossman UMC merged to become Christ Crossman, each congregation brought a passion for mission and ministry, particularly what each had been doing already.

With the influx of funds from the interest on the capital proceeds from the sale of the Christ Church property and both parsonages, it was decided that a certain percentage would be used to fund new ministries. That was an admirable decision. Within a year after I arrived, it became apparent that while new ministries had been begun, nothing from before the merger was stopped. The active lay leadership was exhausted from trying to carry on what was new as well as what was continued. At the urging of the very people carrying out mission and ministry, we began a process of streamlining what we could do. It didn’t mean that what we had done was not worthy, or that the groups with whom we had worked did not deserve it, but the reality was (and is) that we did not have unlimited energy or time. Priorities had to be established. Not everyone was happy for sure.

This is an ongoing process. There has to be a continuing work of prioritizing where we are called to put our time and energy. We are a small enough congregation that we need to focus our attention. Again that doesn’t mean that projects are not worthy; it just may mean that now is not the time for us to be involved. The shoes that are littering my closet are not worthless, but they don’t work for me, and as long as they add to the clutter, I can’t see the floor clearly. What keeps us from seeing clearly?

Philippians 3:13-14

Beloved, I do not consider that I have made it my own; but this one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, I press on toward the goal for the prize of the heavenly call of God in Christ Jesus.

Forests and Trees

There are details, and then there are details. As a rule, I am not a strong detail person, however in certain areas of my life, I have them down pat. Jeff was not particularly good on details either. He was, and I am still, more comfortable with the big picture. That old saw, You can’t see the forest for the trees, definitely did not describe either of us most of the time. Turn it around and it would, You can’t see the trees for the forest. The forest is the big picture; the trees are the details.

There are details that I know about fabric and fibers that would bore Jeff to tears. If he walked into a fabric store with me, within a couple of minutes he would be sweating and anxious to get out of there. I learned to go by myself if I wanted to really take my time and enjoy the process. On the other hand, he would see a car coming down the road towards us and he could tell the make and model, and maybe even the year before I could see it clearly. I could say that it was a car, not a truck or a motorcycle, and it was blue. We each learned details about subjects for which we had passion.

Then there are the people who are all over details. Getting them to see the big picture sometimes is hard, but they can take care of the iotas without a problem. Thank goodness that we are not all the same. The world is a much more interesting place because we are different. Working with our gifts and strengths can give purpose to our lives. That doesn’t mean that I can ignore important details, but if I stay with them too long, I feel as though I am drowning. For someone else, trying to stay focused on the big picture may make them feel unrooted.

In the wisdom of God, there are enough varieties to seem almost infinite to me, and they all can be used to sing praise to our Creator.

1 Chronicles 16.33:

Then shall the trees of the forest sing for joy before the Lord, for he comes to judge the earth.

Becky

What can I say? Our girl is all grown up and ready to take the world by storm. Of course, she was already a grown woman by the time she came to us, but we have watched her grow even more over the last five years. Who am I talking about? Well, come this Sunday to hear her preach her last sermon at Christ Crossman—at least for quite some time—and then you will know!

I love that Christ Crossman takes its job as a teaching/learning congregation so seriously. All the interns who work with us are truly blessed by the members of this congregation who treat them with such respect and love, and as pastors. And our congregation is blessed to be able be a part of our interns’ preparation for another ministry. I don’t’ say “for ministry” because they are involved in real, honest-to-goodness ministry while they are with us. They have given us so many gifts.

I confess that my heart is joyful and sad all at the same time. She came to us in the Fall of 2008, newlywed and beginning seminary, to work with the youth. She leaves us in June of 2013 to become pastor of Crestline United Methodist Church in Crestline, OH.

Becky, we love you, honor you, and wish you all the best! Our hearts go with you.

1 Timothy 4:14-15

Do not neglect the gift that is in you, which was given to you through prophecy with the laying on of hands by the council of elders. Put these things into practice, devote yourself to them, so that all may see your progress.

Leadership in Mission & Vision

As you know, I have been reading books on leadership in preparation for my first two courses in the doctorate of ministry program. This week and next, eighteen of us plus our professors, Lovett Weems and Denise Dombkowski Hopkins, are reflecting on this. I want to share some of my notes with you because we are on this journey together. I may be the one doing the reading, writing and going to class but it is not a solo journey. It’s all about what God is calling us to be and do as Christ’s church in our community.

There is no leadership apart from change--the current state of things cannot ever be deemed as synonymous with God's will. It's not that there's so much wrong with us, but that we are never fully in and of God's kingdom.

Our God is God of the past. In our history there are times in the past we can look when we can say that God was present. We know that God is not limited to the past; God is present NOW. God has not left us. We also know that God is not limited to the present; God is also God of the future--God's work is not finished in me or in the world. We could each say: “I have been saved, I am being saved, I will be saved.” Change is called for not as judgment on the past or the present, but as trying to capture that next vision that God has for us.

Vision is a gift of God given to God's people. It is often first articulated or named by a leader or leaders, primarily because leaders tend to be thinking, reading and praying about these things more.

And I am finally getting a sense of the distinction between mission and vision.

Our mission is what we exist to do. Our vision is what, in light of our mission and our context, God is calling us to do in the near future. What is the next step to take to grow closer to what God is calling us to be and do?

Jeremiah 29.11:

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope.

I've been thinking...

I’ve been thinking…almost every time I start writing, I type this phrase. I generally edit my piece and find a better way to start. The truth is, though, I have been thinking a lot lately. We can blame a little part of it on all the reading I have been doing lately for my classes that start next Tuesday, but not entirely.

I look at Christ Crossman and I see how vital a congregation we are. The life of the church is evident. We have vibrant music to lead us in worship. We have awesome children and youth in our midst. I love Communion all the time, but especially on first Sundays when the children come in to receive! We have a garden out front. We are involved in serving those in need. We are working towards a project with the city for the lot next door.

I see all this and I am in awe. We’ve taken many amazing steps to turn our community of faith around. And yet, I’ve been thinking and wondering about how are we to become truly sustainable. We have taken amazing steps already, and yet we seem to have taken a sigh of relief and paused. What is going to draw us to step out of the boat in faith? Peter stepped out of the boat, paused, and then began to sink. We certainly don’t want to emulate Peter at that point and sink as well. We want to move with faith on the water as well as the land.

The pause is natural in many ways. We worked hard and needed to take a cleansing breath. And now is the time to see what our next step(s) will be. We are going to be having some open and honest conversations about this in the coming months. As we ask honest and open questions, it means we don’t already know the answers to those questions but that we trust in the resurrecting power of God’s Spirit which raised Jesus from the tomb to move towards the answers.

I’ve been thinking, and I’ve been praying. Will you join me?

Matthew 14:28-30

Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” He said, “Come.” So Peter got out of the boat, started walking on the water, and came toward Jesus. But when he noticed the strong wind, he became frightened, and beginning to sink, he cried out, “Lord, save me!”

Focus on Small Acts

Some guiding principles are for the long haul. Two that have been with me for years are “I choose to love,” and “when I don’t know what the ‘right’ decision is I prefer to err on the side of grace.” Those are both very important for me.

In meeting with my coach this week, I was reminded that some guiding principles are for the short term as she asked me what do I need to remember to get through a particular challenge over the next few weeks. My long-term principles are fine, but in the short term where do I need to keep my focus?

That goes along with some of what I am reading for my first class coming up in less than two weeks. In Rocking the Boat: How to Effect Change Without Making Trouble, Debra Meyerson talks about small acts that may not seem significant in the larger picture, but like a pebble thrown into still water the ripples become magnified. Small acts can end up making a definite difference, especially when they are taken intentionally.

Over the next four weeks, a few of my short-term guiding principles are to concentrate on my reading for the classes, to work on my sermons, and not to allow a challenging situation to diffuse my focus. So if I seem a bit less chatty, just know that I’m trying to stay on task, engaged in small acts in the larger picture of helping the church be not only vital, but also sustainable.

Matthew 6:33-34

But strive first for the kingdom of God and God’s righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. “So do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring worries of its own. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Coming to Full Bud

This past week I participated in the third of five Leadership Journey retreats. Each retreat has followed a season of the year. The theme of this one for Spring was “Blooming in the Midst of Muck and Mire.” Part of the rhythm of these retreats is that we work with a poem, reflecting on our own lives through its images.

One of the poems was “Camas Lilies.” We were invited to write a story about a time when we experienced ourself in full bud; a time when we knew we were lovely. This was what I wrote and shared with my small group.

In this season of my life, I feel more of the fullness of blooming than I ever have. It has taken years of working with the SPRC (Staff-Parish Relations Committee) at Christ Crossman to overcome so many negative experiences over the years. I had come to almost hold my breath waiting for the negativism of feedback to begin, as the Chair of the committee at my first church began every meeting asking, “heard any complaints?” Now I am learning to experience breathing in the blessing of being with those who share affirmation. In this fertile soil, watered by blessing, warmed by open arms, I have been more able to put down deeper roots, reaching towards the sun with my branches, allowing buds to develop into fullness and bloom. I have experience greater freedom to grow in this inviting space and also offer that space to others. Instead of shovels trying to roughly dig me out, the tines of gardening forks have softened the soil to enable me to flourish. It has taken a community of grace, for which I am deeply thankful.

Colossians 2:2

I want their hearts to be encouraged and united in love, so that they may have all the riches of assured understanding and have the knowledge of God’s mystery, that is, Christ himself.

Reb Jesus

There’s an ad on the internet showing a job interviewee wearing a Doc Brown (of Back to the Future fame) contraption on his head. Whenever he uses a buzzword, he gets zapped. The word leadership these days has almost become a buzzword, but I hope you won’t zap me too much. After all, that is the track for the Doctor of Ministry program I begin next month. Actually, the reading has already started.

I really enjoyed the first book Leadership on the Line, by Ron Heifetz & Marty Linsky. The last chapter, “Sacred Heart,” touched me. Ron and his wife Sousan were in England over Rosh Hashanah. Meaning to travel to London to mark the holiday in a synagogue, they ended up in a village. While exploring they came upon an Anglican chapel. Put off at first by the large image of Jesus on the cross, Ron chose to speak to the figure as Reb Jesus, asking what he might have to teach Ron. A few minutes later, he spoke excitedly to his wife.

“Sousan, I need to share this with you, but I can’t tell you, I have to show you. Could you lay down here beneath this tree and stretch out your arms spread-eagled, and just stay there?”

Together they lay there outstretched, both of them looking up into the high branches of the tree. After a few moments, he turned to her.

“How do you feel?” he asked.

“Really vulnerable,” she answered.

“Me, too. And that’s it! That’s the message. That’s what we learned about sacred heart—the willingness to feel everything, everything, to hold it all without letting go of your work. To feel, as Reb Jesus felt, the gravest doubt, forsaken and betrayed near his moment of death. To cry out like King David in the wilderness, just when you desperately want to believe that you’re doing the right thing, that your sacrifice means something, ‘My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?’ But in nearly the same instant, to feel compassion, ‘Forgive them, Father, for they know not what they do.’ Jesus remained open.”[i]

What a powerful image of leadership.

---

[i] Heifetz, Ronald A.; Linsky, Marty (2002-08-09). Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive Through the Dangers of Leading (pp. 229-230). Harvard Business Review Press. Kindle Edition.

Ephesians 2:17-18

So he came and proclaimed peace to you who were far off and peace to those who were near; for through him both of us have access in one Spirit to the Father.

A Visual Reminder to Pray

In January, I had the privilege of offering the invocation at Kim Field’s promotion ceremony held at the Pentagon. While waiting for an escort to lead our group through the halls, I purchased a small snow globe of the Pentagon. I don’t usually buy souvenir items, so I wasn’t sure why I was getting it. It now sits on my bedside table. Whenever I look over and see it, I am reminded to pray for Kim and all the others who work at the Pentagon, and those who serve in the various branches of the military. My prayer is simple really: that their work will lead them to be peacemakers in the world. I don’t pretend that I have answers to all the big, sticky questions and conflicts in our world. All I know to do is hold all of them in the light of God’s mercy.

Sometimes I need visual reminders like the little snow globe. My own world view can often shrink down to my own experience and I forget that God’s view is so much bigger.

What reminds you to pray?

1 Corinthians 14:15

What should I do then? I will pray with the spirit, but I will pray with the mind also; I will sing praise with the spirit, but I will sing praise with the mind also.

Stepping out in Faith

I remember how my father used to tell me how important it was to ask questions. I also remember how he asked me what my goals were. That was always a tough question for me, not in the sense that I didn’t have goals, but because it was hard for me to see myself in the future, and where I wanted to be in the years ahead.

I’ve been doing a lot of reflecting and discernment on that same question over the last couple of years. It still is not an easy process for me, but I have at least formulated some process goals.

I want to weave together work I have done over the years with the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, with Bowen Family Systems, with conversations I have hosted over the last few years, and now with the Courage and Renewal network. I see possibilities of how this can strengthen our ministry together at Christ Crossman in reaching to the community around us. So in May, I will begin a doctorate of ministry program in Church Leadership Excellence at Wesley Theological Seminary. There will be two intensive weeks of classes in May of this year, in January and May of 2014, and in January of 2015. I already have about 9-10 books that I have to read before May 14, 2013, writing a reflection on each of them! If I seem a bit distracted over the next few weeks, that’s why.

Going back to school after over 30 years out is a bit unnerving for me, but I have gained strength by the give and take that we share together. The leaders and members of CCUMC have challenged and encouraged me over these twelve years. Together we have grown in exploring how God is calling us. I look forward to continuing that growth together. Our risen Lord calls us to step out in faith, and sometimes in risky ways, but we do not do it alone. We dream and vision and serve together empowered by God’s Spirit.

1 John 4:17

Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness on the day of judgment, because as he is, so are we in this world.

Trying to Be a Bridge of Grace

Over the last several days, if you have been on Facebook, you may have noticed a blossoming of profile pictures containing a red rectangle with an equal sign in it. This is to symbolize that these persons are supporters of marriage equality regardless of sexual orientation. One young adult member of Christ Crossman wrote to ask me what the stand of the UMC is. This is a part of what I wrote in reply:

“Many, in the USA, in the UMC would take a progressive stand, but there are also many-- and also in the global church, especially in Africa and the Philippines who do not. Currently, the official stand in The Book of Discipline is not for that view. Last year at General Conference there was a resolution proposed to admit that we do not all agree on this. A coalition of conservative Americans joined with the African and Filipino delegates to defeat that resolution--which wasn't seeking actively to change the BOD, but to admit we don't agree.

“My stand is that when I don't know for absolute sure, I choose to err on the side of grace. I have been hosting sessions that I call Holy Conferencing where persons who do not necessarily agree sit at the same table for discussion that is primarily aimed at learning how to listen to one another rather than batter the other into silence because they don't agree.

“Just as I do not put bumper stickers on my car, I don't use Facebook to proclaim my positions. I have no problem with others doing it. I often cheer when I see or read statuses, and cringe when I read others. My own call is to be a bridge or a mediator.

“Our God is far larger and more gracious than most of us can conceive. We live in the in-between times: the Kingdom is among us, but not yet fully revealed. Christ is victor but the powers that be are still fighting.

“Don't give up on the UMC by any means. Keep us growing towards the fullness of God's vision for us. And when you encounter someone who does not agree with you, love them anyway. Extend them grace. Pray honestly for the best possibilities that God has for them, not for how we may want them to be. 

“I give thanks for how I see God at work in you and in your life. You and so many of the young adults (that I first knew as youth) give me great hope. You are indeed living out the call of Christ in your life. You have more opportunity to be the face and hands of Christ to more people through your life in a "secular" job than I do in the church. You are why I do what I do. You inspire me.”

Hold - Clutch

Part of my routine in the morning is to read the paper and then work most of the puzzles in it. In this morning’s Jumble, the clue of one of the words was “hold.” The letters were unjumbled to make “clutch.” Immediately, I thought about holding on tightly, often too tightly.

After I finished the puzzles I sat down at my spinning wheel to practice. For me it has been like rubbing my stomach, patting my head, and jumping on one foot, all while reciting the Gettysburg Address. In other words, there are several things going on all at once. After pre-drafting the fibers, which means pulling them lengthwise so they aren’t so thick, I start the wheel turning by working the treddle which twists the starter yarn to which I attach the drafted fibers. Now this is where I have been having trouble getting the rhythm going. While my right hand manages the twist keeping it from going further into the fibers than it should, my left hand drafts the fibers out more. The right hand is supposed to let the energy or twist build up just enough, and then let the yarn move on to the bobbin. If my right hand holds too tightly, the new yarn keeps twisting without moving on to the bobbin. If I hold too loosely, the fibers that have not yet been drafted get twisted up. Or I allow the yarn to move on to the bobbin before it has enough twist.

Today, as I plied together two single yarns I had spun, I reflected about holding and clutching. As a mother, if I hold on to my sons too tightly in a clutch then they don’t develop enough independence and initiative on their own. If I hold too loosely, then they might feel adrift in the world before they are ready to take it on. It’s a delicate balance.

There’s also a balance in holding and yet not clutching with our faith, and in our life. Jesus said that “unless a grain of wheat falls to the earth and dies, it remains just a single grain. But if it dies, it bears much fruit.” If we love our lives so much that we clutch on to them, then we never get the experience of trusting God enough to let go so that fruit can develop.

I am just beginning to catch the rhythm of holding the twist and moving it on to the bobbin. Nothing fancy yet, but I can see yarn growing under my eyes. In my life and faith, it is also a process of learning to catch the rhythm of holding on to Christ and trusting enough to let go. I think I will keep on practicing.

Where I'm From

The following is my response to the online Lenten Retreat entry, Return--by Way of Story, by Jan Richardson and Garrison Doles:

Where I'm From

I’m from many places woven together--

from the black, flat soil of near coastal Texas

with a cottonfield across the alley

and cottonmouth snakes nearby

and rattlers in the yard.

I’m from Mickey and Mary Grace

who hailed from Alabama

meaning weeks in the summer

swimming with cousins in lakes

created by the dammed Tennessee.

I’m from Virginia which confused

me for years, a Texas/Alabama girl transplanted

in colonial soil with a history that

sometimes held its nose up high

not allowing me in its close circles.

I’m from a year in California

living on soil that had filled in the bay

knowing that I didn’t belong for long

and forging a link with the East

I could finally claim.

I’m from ‘Hooville, a center of the universe

finding in the foothills friends at last that endure

for a lifetime, slowly hearing my call

to proclaim and embody God’s holy

healing Word and Body.

I’m from the varied soils of North Carolina

studying down the road from tobacco

curing redolently in the warehouses,

traveling the mountains and hollers of

little churches in the summers.

I’m from the churches of Virginia by

graveyards of saints who lived and

died in a journey of faith living again

in the lives of their children’s children

who most accepted me as their pastor.

I’m from a partnership in marriage

with highs and deep lows, serving together

until his journey began to take a different

path towards Rome, no longer receiving

bread and wine, Body and Blood, from my hands.

I’m from the deep soil of being a mother

of two miracles--a son given by a teenage girl,

placed in my arms at ten minutes old; and a

son born late when I had thought

my womb would never bear.

I’m from the soil of the cemetery

across the road where my husband of

many highs and deep lows is buried

giving me a taste of widow’s weeds and

in the midst of grief hope for new life that now arises.

I’m from the deep soil of friends and colleagues

with whom I can share and vision together

how God’s grace and mercy can touch and

deepen a community that goes beyond

the bounds of church walls.

I’m from many places yet unseen or explored

that with those known weave together

a tapestry unique and beautiful

of colors and textures

to enliven the soul.