Not a Tow Truck nor a Helicopter

Talking with another mom this week, we both shared stories of how we sometimes fall into the trap of dealing with our kids’ difficulties for them. She told of how a child told their mother something about her child, and then the mother spoke with her about it, asking her to speak with her child rather than getting the children to speak with one another about their conflict. Of course, when our children are very small, there are many things we need to take care of for them. As they grow, however, there is more that they can and should handle on their own.

A lot of ink has been used in articles about “helicopter parents” who hover over their children’s lives making sure to smooth every difficulty. Like nearly every other parent, I want my boys to do well, to not have to face too many problems, but the reality is they have to learn to deal with tough situations. I have made many mistakes in my years as a parent. I have been learning better to give them space. I can’t soothe all wounds and smooth all rough places, and I shouldn’t.

I find helpful the metaphor of God as the One who sits on the curb next to us as we wait for the tow truck to come. God is not the tow truck. God is not the knight in shining armor who comes to rescue us. God is in the trenches with us. And that’s how I want to be with my sons, as well as with others in my life.

It’s hard work as a parent to watch our children struggle and sometimes fail, but the reward for them is so much greater when they learn that they have the ability to figure many problems out on their own. It is the work of a lifetime to find the balance of when and how to help and when and how to let go. God offers us grace but doesn’t make us accept it. God allows us to make mistakes along the way, but is always there to encourage us on the journey.