The Winter of Listening

The Winter of Listening

Last week, I participated in a discernment retreat where we used the paradoxes of winter—dormancy/growing, dark/light—to reflect on our own lives. I share my reflection on a poem called “The Winter of Listening.” The questions come from lines in the poem.

In what ways do I diminish the presence of what is precious inside of me?

Just as that small germ of an idea or concept or image rests in the dark contours of my mind, needing the dark to germinate, can be aborted or nearly so when light is shone too quickly, and too early, upon it, so too can that which is precious in me that needs time to grow before it can be revealed. Calling attention to it before its time can cause it to wither either from an intense spotlight glare or from lack of fencing and boundaries to protect its tenderness.

What is the great shout of joy waiting to be born inside of me?

Yes, what is it? Partially, it is already coming to birth as I have finally begun to accept the affirmation that my church has given me, and now that in some ways I am free from feeling under a harshly critical judgment from Jeff. Oh, that I could truly have come to this joy without losing my partner. Oh, that we could have come to this joy for each of us, instead of what brought joy to us taking us away from each other. Not fusion, but experiencing full joy for what was growing in our own self, AND in the other as well.

What in my life disturbs and then nourishes?

Hearing the affirmation time and time again, and coming to accept it has meant that I am now accountable for the gift. I can no longer point to circumstances that would not allow me to live into it fully. This disturbs the soil so that new seeds, visions, and hopes can come to fruition.

The call to the artist in me comes not only in the form of weaving and design, but also in the form of my ministry--preaching, pastoring, mentoring, walking the journey with my colleagues on my staff and the lay leaders of our congregation. There sometimes is a messy accountability for the other in partnership, when it would seem easier to walk the path without regard or responsibility for someone else. I don't see that mutual accountability as an unhealthy fusion, but as a mutual celebration of each one's giftedness.

Genesis 8:22

As long as the earth endures, seedtime and harvest, cold and heat, summer and winter, day and night, shall not cease.