One Year

One year. It was one year ago that the Capital Caring Hospice Center called me to tell that Jeff had died. While I knew it was coming, the news came as a surprise. Just the evening before they believed it would be a couple of more days. While the very end was peaceful, the way there had been hard. No matter how much faith we have, the unknown is still difficult, even fearful at times.

Jeff was a lot like his mom. He used to say that it was vanity that had kept her going for so long while dealing with Type 1 diabetes for so many years. She never wanted anyone to see her at less than her best. Then he would say it was vanity that kept him working out so much. He too never wanted anyone to see him at less than his best. Controlling that image was so important to him. Even as he left the house to ride in the medical transport to the Hospice Center, he would not let them bring a stretcher to carry him out. He insisted on walking out to it and even tried to climb into it himself.

I know that desire to maintain control as well. I want to present a strong face to the world. I don’t want others seeing me when I am weak, but I have learned over this year that I need others, that my strength is made greater when I let others near.

The way forward is an uncharted path in many ways. When I try to project too far down the path, I can feel the anxiety rise within me. I need to take it step by step, day by day, and keep in contact with those who lend me their strength.

Matthew 11:28-30

“Come to me, all you that are weary and are carrying heavy burdens, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me; for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.”