The first day of Lent. A time to reflect. I have always thought of Lent as a time to reevaluate my relationship with God, that anything I "give up" should be something that gets in the way between God and me. I remember, years ago, in college, giving up all physical relationship with my boyfriend--hugs, kisses, even holding hands. Another college year, I gave up bread. That was probably the hardest year of all.
What would I "give up" this year? What is getting in the way? I'm not so sure that it is a "thing" but an attitude or a posture. I am afraid.
Fear often shows a lack of trust. So maybe my trust in God is lacking. But I also believe that God doesn't just swoop in and set everything to rights, like the deus ex machina of the Greek/Roman dramas-- dramatic invention, a diety suspended on wires, that saves the hero/ine from falling off the cliff when nothing else can. If that were the case, we wouldn't need to learn, to change, to grow.
When the ash cross is smudged onto my forehead, O gracious holy God, let me place my fear in your hands so that I can learn to balance on the edge. So be it.
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