Confirmation (?) of What Lies Beyond

I was asked an interesting question this morning. In light of my experience with persons who are dying, have I ever witnessed anything that is a confirmation of what lies beyond death? Wow, that gave me pause for thought.

I have never been present when someone has seen a vision. Lois Loveless told me herself that she had seen Jesus standing across the room. No one has spoken of seeing a light or hearing voices.

I was with my mother, holding her hand, during her last hours. Her last words to my brother on the phone, and then to me, were “thank you.” She had already said, “I love you.” In those hours of sitting with her, I talked to her while she slept. I heard her breathing slow until I didn’t hear it anymore.

During Jeff’s last days, he didn’t really want anyone hovering around him. He wanted a short visit and then to be left alone. It was hard not to be able to be there with him as much as I wanted. It was his fear of pain that kept him agitated. Once they were able to ease his anxiety, he was more peaceful especially when some of his fellow faculty from St. Charles stood around him praying the rosary for hours.

So I have no confirmation in that sort of sense of what lies beyond death. I do believe to the depths of my being that eternal life doesn’t wait until death to begin. Our eternal life begins as we walk with God here on earth. We have glimpses of the joy and peace that will reign. When we come to the moment when the breath leaves our bodies for good, it is natural part of the journey of life. I haven’t become inured to or blasé about death by any means. I can still cry and be sad, but I can also have a sense of rejoicing and release, especially when the person who has died has been ill.

We are mortal, and every single moment of our mortal lives are lived within the care of the One in whose image we have been made, and whose breath is within us. That care will continue to surround us when our mortal life is ceased, and the eternal life that began in walking with Christ will continue in unabated joy and praise. That’s the confirmation I have of what lies ahead.

Isaiah 40:8

The grass withers, the flower fades; but the word of our God will stand forever.

Working With a Trainer

Today, I began working with a trainer to start getting back into shape after the layoff due to my knee surgery. I want to know how to do the exercises correctly so that I don't do harm in the process. I know that even after learning and doing them right, it is easy over time to slip into some bad habits without meaning to. It's the same with following a sensible eating plan. I know that by paying attention and working consciously at it I was able to get into better habits. Over the last fifteen months, I let it slip big time.

Some people seem much more able to keep to a discipline on their own. I find it hard to do on my own, and yet I know I am also a tough nut. I don't want to let others have too much say in my life. In a way, it's a paradox. I like being with other people. I like sharing ideas, and building a process together. The result is almost always better, I think, but, and this is a big BUT, I get antsy when someone corrects me. I don't usually tell them to mind their own business directly--after all, I was raised by a southern lady--but I will tend to go on in my own way.

Frankly, Jeff and I were a lot alike in this regard. Working on projects together could be very stressful. I had my ideas. He had his ideas. And they didn't always match. Packing the car for a trip was difficult if we did it together. My way of fitting the puzzle of suitcases and stuff together was definitely not his way. I learned to let him do it when he wanted to do it.

This is a general area or aspect of my life that I need to work on. So I will start by working with a trainer for physical fitness. Hopefully, it will eventually move to other areas of my life, bit by bit, but do remember that I said I'm a tough nut, so the process may not be very pretty. Prayers for the process are appreciated, just don't tell me, okay? :-)

Breathe innn…Breathe ouuuuuuuut…

Breathe innn…Breathe ouuuuuuuut…  That may look strange, but that is one of the simplest techniques to relax, to be in prayer, and to manage the perception of pain. 

When I am tense or stressed, I have a tendency to take shallow breaths. It’s mostly an unconscious thing until I realize that I am yawning a lot because I am not taking in enough oxygen. The first time I remember having an episode of this type of hyperventilating, I was only twelve. I didn’t understand it back then. All I knew was that I felt like I couldn’t get enough air. It can be a somewhat vicious cycle—tension leads to shallow breaths leads to more tension leads to even shallower breaths. It takes a conscious effort to break that cycle.

When I was pregnant, Jeff and I had taken the childbirth preparation classes, including practicing the different patterns of breathing for use during the different stages of labor. A few hours after labor began, I started having tremendous pain in my back. Jeff remembered the lessons and began giving me directions for breathing. Unfortunately, he was giving the directions for the breathing pattern for the end of labor. These breaths are shorter and more intense. This only made the pain feel even worse. My labor nurse sent Jeff out into the hall; she got right in front of me, face to face, and began breathing in the slower, deeper pattern I needed. I began to relax some, at least enough to get an epidural.

I have thought about it this week. Someone I was visiting in the hospital was having pain. Her niece was trying to guide her in the more relaxed pattern of breathing to help ease her perception of pain and nausea. That reminded me of Jeff’s struggle with pain. He had never handled pain well even at the best of times. The pain in his last weeks frightened him and made him tense up which only increased his perception of the pain. I wish I had been able to do for him what the labor nurse did for me, but his fear at that point was too great to allow it. These days I often have to work at breathing in and breathing out instead of holding my breath, or breathing shallowly from the top of my lungs instead of slowly and deeply from my diaphragm.

Breathe innn…Breathe ouuuuuuuut… God’s Holy Spirit seeks to fill my being.

Genesis 2:7

Then the Lord God formed adamah from the dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and the adamah became a living being.

Take thou the authority...

“Take thou the authority… “ Bishop Robert Blackburn’s hand pressed on my head as he said these words the night I was ordained an Elder in the United Methodist Church. I came to that night having completed my Master of Divinity degree at Duke, and having written papers and been interviewed by the Board of Ordained Ministry. I received official stamps of approval along the way so I could come to that moment of being granted authority “to preach the Word of God and to administer the holy Sacraments in the Congregation.”

An online definition of authority is “The power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience: "he had absolute authority over his subordinates." This gives a fairly standard, yet hierarchical perspective. Authority may indeed be granted from on high in a sense, but it has to be affirmed by the people with whom we live and work. I remember writing this in the very papers leading to my ordination. I wrote it because I believed it then. I believe it even more now. I have come to know it in the core of my being.

In every place I have served, I have received grace from the people with whom I have been in ministry, lay and clergy. I give thanks for these gifts over the years. At Christ Crossman, I have especially become more deeply aware that gifts grow when they are affirmed.

True authentic authority is not assuming “the power or right to give orders, make decisions, and enforce obedience.” It is a grace that comes from the community. It is a weaving together of our experiences and our journeys, our tears and our laughter, our questions and our affirmations, and so much more.

“Take thou the authority,” Bishop Blackburn’s hand pressed upon my head then, and now your hands press upon my head, my hands, and hold me up. You have graced me. Thanks be to God.

Another Word

I heard words tonight that resonated with me: anxiety and paralyzing fear. What do they have in common? Maybe not much at first blush, but on reflection they are reactions to the state of the world today.

One of us at our book group confessed that she had been closely following all the news about the fiscal cliff and feeling a great deal of anxiety, while her husband was not that absorbed by it. The tension and anxiety have been contagious. Some times it is easy to be paralyzed by them.

In contrast to the paralyzing anxiety and dread, I think about people who are faithfully going through their daily struggles and maintaining trust in the midst of it. I remember my brother-in-law Alan who radiates a calm spirit in the midst of dealing with his cancer. Karen, as she describes her experience of picking out a wig, reminds me that humor can get us through some dark places.

It’s all too easy to focus on the words and images of the world and see darkness, fear, anxiety, and forget that there is another Word proclaimed. The Light has come. “The people who sat in darkness have seen a great light.”

The media—print, broadcast and online—are filled with the news that the fiscal cliff was averted, for now. That’s good news, and yet the true great good news has nothing to do with political machinations. This is the news that speaks of joy and hope—the Light has come and the darkness cannot overcome it.

John 1:5

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not overcome it.