On the Second Day of Christmas

On this second day of Christmas, my true love gives me to an amazing gift of grace that never stops giving. The light has come into the world, and darkness shall not, shall not, shall not overcome it! I say that with confidence even in the moments that I do not feel it. Thank goodness God’s mercy does not rely upon my emotions, but upon God’s own goodness.

In Sunday’s sermon, I quoted from something I had read: “The mystery of incarnation is itself a sign, pointing us toward resurrection. To stop the story at the manger mistakes the sign for the final destination.”¹ God becomes one of us in Jesus to bring us more than a birthday celebration. Jesus is God-with-us in order to bring us into full relationship, unbound and set free, with God and with each other.

Also on this second day of Christmas, I get to see my family in Texas, and meet my great-nephew for the first time. As Max and I fly, I offer hopes that we can see all the blessings in our lives, and offering blessing to others.

Joyeux Noël

John 1:14

And the Word became flesh and lived among us, and we have seen his glory, the glory as of a father's only son, full of grace and truth.

---

¹ MELINDA A. QUIVIK & MARTHA E. STORTZ (2013-01-01). Abingdon Theological Companion to the Lectionary (Year A): Preaching Year A (Kindle Location 558-559). Abingdon Press. Kindle Edition.

A Sense of Loss at Christmas

Several years ago, before our boys arrived on the scene, I would find myself somewhat disappointed on Christmas morning. My parents would be with us for Christmas Eve and morning, and they always had a slew of gifts for each other—especially Daddy who loved surprising my mother with gifts. [I think that actually came from the year he gave her a popcorn popper as her Christmas gift, when he was the one who really liked popcorn. He learned his lesson well.]

I thought maybe I felt disappointed because they were still opening gifts long after Jeff and I were done. So one year, we decided to concentrate on small gifts in order to extend the joy of opening presents. Even though we delighted each other with thoughtful and fun gifts, I still felt disappointed. Doesn’t that sound crass and ungrateful?

As I reflected on my feelings, I realized that there was always a sense of loss for me at Christmas, and I discovered what it was. The one year my family had driven to Alabama for Christmas rather than my mother’s parents coming to us was the year Granddaddy had a heart attack in late summer and was not supposed to drive long distances. We had Christmas morning between their house and my cousins’ house three doors down. Christmas dinner was midday at their house. For the evening meal, we all drove in separate cars to my cousins’ other grandparents. Dinner was delayed as we kept waiting for Granddaddy and Grary to arrive. They never arrived. As they drove, a car ran a stop sign and hit their car, throwing them from their vehicle. Granddaddy died the next day. Grary was not hurt as badly.

From that time on, Christmas has always had a bit of a feeling of loss. Now that both my parents are gone and Jeff has died, that is a reality not only for me, but for my boys as well. I do not really get into the gifts as much. It is far more important for me to be with the people I love. It is there that I experience Emmanuel—God with us.

My hope for each of you this Christmas is that you allow God’s Spirit to abide in you so that even in moments of disappointment and loss, you will find the deep joy that is God’s gift for you.

Isaiah 9:2

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness— on them light has shined.

O Come, Emmanuel!

On Wednesday evenings at our small group we have been watching some short videos of people talking about Advent. Tonight, it was Bill Young who wrote The Shack. He started off by saying it’s about the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit opening their circle to include a 14 year-old girl, asking her if she would be a part of their plan.

Then he talked a bit about why God came among us, and said something about wrath, that it is not what most people think it is. God’s wrath is not punitive, but saving. He told a story about a friend of his who was in the woods when wasps started stinging him. He began yelling for his mom. When he saw her running towards him, if he had not known her he would have said she was angry enough to kill him. Her anger was about his situation and pain, and she came to find him and save him. What a different take on wrath!

Think about that this Advent. God has come to find us. Emmanuel—God with us—has come to be with us. Not only has God come, but God continues to come, and continues to be with us in the Spirit.

Oh what joy, deep—not bouncing up-and-down—but deep, deep joy! This is what my spirit needs. O come, O come, Emmanuel!

Matthew 1.23:

“Look, the virgin shall conceive and bear a son, and they shall name him Emmanuel,” which means, “God is with us.”

My Narrative Report

Each year, a United Methodist pastor is to make a "narrative" report of their year in ministry. The following is my report to the Charge Conference this past Sunday.

As I look back over 2013 thus far in my ministry with Christ Crossman UMC, I find that I have learned even more about adaptability and flexibility in serving an ever-changing congregation.

Personally, I participated in a Courage to Lead series of five discernment retreats. My stated goal for participation was to make discernments in questions about my ministry, education and possible retirement in the coming years. Along with these retreats, I applied to Wesley Theological Seminary in DC for admission to the 2013 Doctorate of Ministry program in Church Leadership Excellence. When I initially applied, I thought this might help me in determining an avenue of service after retirement from active pastoral ministry. Through the discernment retreats and participating in the first three courses of the D.Min program, I have come to the understanding that I still have a lot to learn and to offer in the active pastoral ministry, particularly here at C2UMC.

Last Spring, in reflections around C2's leadership and staff tables, I had a strong sense that we had made significant strides in turning around a decades-long decline but that we had reached a plateau. It felt as though we had paused to take a breath after a hard run, and then forgotten to start running again.  It is important to take a pause to reflect, to catch our breath, to see where we need to head next. In looking at my particular part of this pause, I know that when a leader's attention becomes diffused or focused elsewhere, then a congregation can feel distracted. Over the last couple of years, I have worked hard to keep my focus up, but I do know that dealing with grief and illness sometimes blur sight. In particular, I feel as though I lost a significant portion of September and October of this year due to an ongoing health issue that has now resolved. Details became harder to manage. For this I apologize that I realized too late to make other arrangements to make sure that administrative oversight details could be more adequately covered.

While administration suffered some, I have continued to visit and provide pastoral care, while serving as the primary worship planner, leader and preacher. Even in the midst of loss and anticipated illness of beloved members, I find great joy in being present with them in the journey.

In my D.Min class this Fall, I have realized a couple of areas I need to strengthen in my leadership. The first area is that I have a tendency to hold back from setting forth hard invitations to people, partially because I am aware of how much they have going on in their lives outside of church. In this reluctance, I do not allow them the privilege of deciding for themselves how much they can commit in time or resources. The second area has to do with emphasizing calls enough by repeating them in different ways. Too often I assume that people will get bored or annoyed with a continuing emphasis. I neglect the reality that it usually takes a minimum of encountering a new idea five times before it really begins to sink in.

I have followed through on the authorization by the Church Council to work with the City of Falls Church on our proposal to redevelop the Miller House property next door to the church. The city's planning and housing departments were excited to deal with this proposal. Two meetings of a focus group were held here in this Chapel with members of city staff, neighboring congregations, community organizations and potential developers. The focus group made a recommendation that the extant house be razed and a new residence built for adults with disabilities, particularly intellectual disabilities. The city has now issued an RFI, request for information, to possible developers and groups to be received back in early January.

I find joy in working with our current seminary intern, Jeremy Koontz, and continuing to serve as a co-facilitator of PM&M colloquies at the seminary. Engaging in reflection with those who are currently studying and preparing for ministry helps keep me, and our congregation, better honed for our own ministry here.

I am excited about our new children's music ministry, and working with our lay leaders on a five-year plan that will help C2UMC put our ministry on the line.

I give thanks for the people and leaders of Christ Crossman who have offered me loving support and gracious challenge in serving together. Here's to being a part of what God wants to bless in the year to come.

Jeremiah 29:11

For surely I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord, plans for your welfare and not for harm, to give you a future with hope. 

 

NRSV

My Litany of Thanks

My litany of thanks:

            For my sons, and being able to see them grow in maturity;

For my granddaughter who looks so much like her daddy;

For my brother who gives so much of himself to his family;

For my sister-in-law and her droll sense of humor, and her great nursing skills;

For my nephew and his fiancée, and their families;

For my niece and her growing family;

For my great-aunt who taught us so much; rest in peace, Annie Sue;

For my friends who teach me how to love;

For my coach whose laughter and questions help me see more clearly;

For the nurse practitioners and nurses at the Wound Care Center;

For access to good medical care;

For the people of Christ Crossman who challenge me to grow;

For the best staff people to work with--sharing ideas, and learning together;

For the ability to go back to school and discover that I can still learn and grow;

For music and beauty;

For love and hope;

For vision and God’s call;

For prayer and for rejoicing;

For grace and mercy;

For more than I can name;

For things I cannot name;

For life, even in the midst of it all;

For eternity—past, present and future—in God.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-18

Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.

Have I Got a Story for You...

Stories are so important. I guess I’m thinking along those lines because I miss getting to hear the stories of my family. My parents died 11 and 21 years ago; my grandparents much long ago than that. Our last link with the generations that went before us, my Great-Aunt Annie Sue, died in October at nearly 104.

Stories connect us to one another. We learn about ourselves as we hear them, not only about events in our lives and in our families, but about how we see the world, how we interact with others, about our sense of purpose, and other things.

I have a friend, Lou Ann Homan, who is a great storyteller. She keeps her community and family connected through her stories. She tells stories from the past that connect us with those who lived then. She tells stories from her family’s life that bring us in touch with a young family’s experience. She tells stories from life today that help us pay closer attention to the world and people around us.

I have said that stories “people our imagination.” The characters and situations from the stories—whether factually based or fictional—allow us to see them in action as though on a stage. We can try on different characters and roles, as though they are costumes. We experience responses from a somewhat safer distance. This can help us be more reflective, so that when we actually encounter something like it in our lives, we will have made preparations and maybe even some decisions about how we want to respond.

Our Director of Christian Education became concerned that while our children, and we adults, may learn particular stories they and we don’t really have a sense of them as a part of a much larger story. She is providing lessons each week that include “the connective” tissues. We are learning in our community life to talk about the “so what” of why we do what we do, or what we are trying to do. All this is to help us become more deeply aware of God’s story and of our part in it.

Now, have I got a story for you…

Joel 1:2-3

Hear this, O elders, give ear, all inhabitants of the land! Has such a thing happened in your days, or in the days of your ancestors? ³Tell your children of it, and let your children tell their children, and their children another generation.

10 Lessons from Nonprofits

Who said that learning ever stops? Not me! Here are some things I learned, or re-learned, this Fall in my online class in Pastoral Leadership Feedback. The references are to chapters in The Jossey-Bass Reader on Nonprofit and Public Leadership. Ed. James L. Perry. (San Francisco: John Wiley & Sons, Inc. 2010).

As you read these, which three do you think are most important for Christ Crossman or your own congregation?

1.When leaders rein in their egos and share power with others in their organization, the entire organization benefits and grows in strength, enabling it to have a greater ability to fulfill its mission. (Chapter Nine, "Shared Leadership")

2.Succession planning is crucial to the long-term vitality of the organization. (Chapter Nine, "Shared Leadership")

3.Strategic planning is not a static process; rather it involves active engagement, reflection and action at every step of the process which might mean that the middle sometimes appears a bit chaotic but is really creative and challenges every participant to be fully engaged. (Chapter Eleven, "The Strategy Change Cycle")

4.When the imagination is engaged, helping planners dare to dream large, an organization is more able to take steps that move it towards real change. (Chapter Eleven, "The Strategy Change Cycle")

5.Knowing who all the stakeholders are for an organization and its mission, and including them somehow in the planning process is vital to the success of that process and the realization of the mission. (Chapter Eleven, "The Strategy Change Cycle")

6.Daring to redefine and even narrow the mission of an organization can help make its accomplishments more evident, and bring others into a supportive and/or collegial relationship with the organization which can deepen the change desired. (Chapter Twelve, "delivering on the Promise of Nonprofits")

7.Embracing evaluation of how an organization is accomplishing its mission, or not, can improve congruence between stated values and how those values are put into practice. (Chapter Twenty-Three, "Nonprofits and Evaluation")

8.Ongoing evaluation is important in strengthening mission and relationship in the community. (Chapter Twenty-Three, "Nonprofits and Evaluation")

9.While imagination and passion are vital in building towards real change, without a workable organization, the initial brightness might soon be overwhelmed and diminished or even extinguished. (Chapter Twenty-Four, "Sustaining Impact")

10.Investing in recruiting and training leaders for an organization is important in the long run even though "staffing for growth" ahead of the growth can be hard to justify when resources are limited. (Chapter Thirty, "Understanding the Nonprofit Sector's Leadership Deficit")

Exodus 18:23

If you handle the work this way, you’ll have the strength to carry out whatever God commands you, and the people in their settings will flourish also.

   The Message

An Evening of Challenge

On Tuesday night, our Office Manager Kate Hoing and I went down to Calvary Baptist Church in DC to hear Nadia Bolz-Weber and Amy Butler. You may have seen the article in Monday's Washington Post on Nadia. She's the weight-lifting, tattooed Lutheran pastor who often uses very down-to-earth salty language. She is also a recovering alcoholic and former drug user. She grew up in a family that attended the Church of Christ, a very conservative denomination that does not allow women to teach boys over the age of twelve. Her recently published book Pastrix is a memoir.

I first heard Nadia in May of 2012, and have quoted her in a couple of sermons since then. She would never claim to have all the answers or to get everything right, but she seeks to be a real and faithful follower of Jesus.

Following are some of my tweets from Tuesday night. If there are typos, just know that it's hard to type accurately while following someone's talk. For more, see here.

• making it hard, challenging, not crazy posturing
• We want God's answers but what we get is God's presence
• my job is not to worry about why my people believe, but it am responsible for what they hear
• Don't tone down the Jesus!
• there is welcome to anyone who wants to be there, but not the LowestCommonDenominator theology.
• a lot of folks are not really into denominations. nadia: I'm not post-denominational.
• Theological particularity is important in a missional sense. Don't give up on that,
• How do you define success for yourself in terms of your congregation?
• Success does not look like numbers, but moments of holy grace.
• Filling out a mission church report: "how many doors did you knock on this month?" Nadia's answer: "Zero. That's creepy"
• corporate American values--have to be good in every single area--BS. We don't have to awesome at everything.
• So not into consumer church. That is not success.
• faith is a gift. Stumble in and out. Stumble in and stay. Never stumble in. Who knows why?
• in urban setting , how do you let people know that this is a place they might find a home?
• Out and about in the community. Not outreach strategy. Not a means to an end. Marketing is resented.
• thinking about the building--our mission, open the doors. Calvary Baptist
• liturgy has it's own integrity; it doesn't depend on my integrity.
• listen to your external sense of call before you emphasize your internal sense of call which can be kind of sketchy.
• don't spend or waste your authority defending it; you will end up losing it.

Esther 4:14

“Who knows? Perhaps you have come to royal dignity for just such a time as this.”

An Audacious Dream

This week at our small group, we were challenged by hearing N.T. Wright talk about down-to-earth ministries in the economically depressed area of Durham, England where he was the Anglican Bishop for seven years. These ministries grow out of worship that is not just about our personal, individual relationship with God but is also about “sustaining the life is that is going on around” the church in the community. As a school was closed, one man had a dream to provide education and training for persons with disabilities. As they mend broken furniture to make it whole, their own lives are mended.

Over this past year I came to know Buck Cochran through the discernment retreat series in which I took part. After serving as a flyer in the Navy, and then working as a chemist, Buck went to Duke Divinity School and was ordained in the Presbyterian Church. While working as an associate pastor, Buck’s call began to be transformed to working with persons with varying levels of disabilities so that they would have a place to live, and work and grow into the fullest expression possible in their lives.

Buck and others had an audacious dream to transform 89 acres of farmland into Peacehaven Farm, a place where adults with “intellectual and physical disabilities [could] live independently within the embrace of the community around them.” The original idea was to start by building the houses and then to develop the farm. The financial collapses of 2008 intervened. Work began on the farm with many persons of all abilities from the surrounding community working together. This year, the first house, called Susan’s View after one of the founders who died of cancer, is being built through the work of volunteers coordinated by Habitat for Humanity.

An audacious dream has transformed the lives of everyone it has touched. This has really been about being people of faith seeking to “sustain the life that is going on around.” God is calling us to living an audacious life of faith together. This is a life, a dream to which I can give myself—mending broken furniture and broken lives to make them whole, giving glory to God all the while.

[Read more about BuckCochran and Peacehaven Farm.] 

Revelation 22:1-2

Then the angel showed me the river of the water of life, bright as crystal, flowing from the throne of God and of the Lamb through the middle of the street of the city. On either side of the river is the tree of life with its twelve kinds of fruit, producing its fruit each month; and the leaves of the tree are for the healing of the nations.

Balance on the Continuum

Back in college as a psychology major, I took my two courses in Abnormal Psych over the summer before my Fourth Year. As with many nursing and medical students, reading about different syndromes and diagnoses often resulted in being sure that I was afflicted with them. One of the most helpful things I learned that summer was about the continuum. Behaviors run across a continuum, from very mild to severe. The reality is that most, if not all of us, exhibit those behaviors in our lives from time to time. We may show a bit of paranoia, or hypochondria, or phobia, or whatever. For most of us those bits are just that—bits—and they certainly do not overwhelm our lives. There may well be times when we find them overwhelming. And there are persons who deal with them in much larger segments than bits.

Over the years I have done a great deal of work to develop self-awareness. When I think I have grown, and then find a lack of it looking me straight in my face, I have a tendency to enlarge it. Then what has seemed golden and good gets a coating of slime. I lose a bit of the sense of balance, and see more things through the glasses of lack.

The reality is that I am the same person now as before. I have grown, but I am not perfect. I need to go back and re-play that lecture on a continuum and find balance. I also need to face the fact that try as hard as I can, I cannot see through the veil. I can only see through the mirror dimly. Someday, I will see my Lord face to face, and in God’s eyes, see myself clearly. Until that day, I have to be content with vision that tends to mis-see. In those moments, I need to surrender myself to God’s grace, and allow the Spirit to help me grow where I need to grow, bit by bit.

1 Corinthians 13:12

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.

Lex orandi, lex credendi, est

Lex orandi, lex credendi, est

As we pray, so we believe.

On Monday afternoon, I just about lost it. I read another really stupid, snide remark about who was responsible for the mess our nation was in. I was alone, outside, and granted I was coming down with the cold I inherited from Max, but I had an angry outburst. Then I apologized to God’s Spirit. I didn’t blaspheme by any means, but the world doesn’t need more negativity being pumped out there.

On Tuesday, a keynote speaker shared the phrase above. I believe this. The prayers we offer shape what we believe, just as the songs we sing shape what we believe. When our prayers become turned inward, so does our belief. Our spirit stops reaching out to include others. When we curse someone, our imprecation tamps that much more dirt onto them, adding that much more hatred in the world. When we bless someone, our blessing allows grace to flow from God through us to them, and we increase the Kindom of God just a bit more.

Last night, I watched as the final votes in the House of Representatives were cast. I was reminded what Jen said at our midweek prayer time this morning. In the midst of all the anxiety, she knew she had to pray for all involved—not praying by choosing a side, but for all. As we pray, so we believe. I wish I could say I prayed for each Representative casting a vote. Really, I was almost holding my breath, but now I do pray for each of them. And I continue holding each person who has been affected by this uncertainty, especially for my people who have been on furlough, and those who have been working without pay.

I still believe that my hope, our hope is in our God who is immensely bigger than any of this. I will offer this prayer up each day of the next four months and beyond: O God in whom we live, and move and have our being, cast your vision for us and may we find our hope in you. In your holy Triune name, trusting in your saving grace, and your transforming power, we pray. Amen.

Revelation 21:6-7

Then he said to me, “It is done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give water as a gift from the spring of the water of life. Those who conquer will inherit these things, and I will be their God and they will be my children.

Lord Have Mercy

What do we do when we have inadvertently wounded someone? Or more specifically, what do I do when I have wounded someone, especially unintentionally? After the shock of the realization, there’s the tendency to try to parse it, to analyze the situation, to make it better somehow. There’s the desire to go back and try to figure out how to say it better, how to do it better.

Instead of trying to justify myself, I simply need to go in humility and ask forgiveness. There is never any guarantee that forgiveness will be offered.

Posturing will not do. Standing rigid will not do. The only possible honest stance is humble confession, to stand bowed as the tax collector and say, “Lord, have mercy on me a sinner.”

Kyrie eleison. Christe eleison. Kyrie eleison.

Lord have mercy. Christ have mercy. Lord have mercy.

Matthew 5:23-24

So when you are offering your gift at the altar, if you remember that your brother or sister has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother or sister, and then come and offer your gift.

Though the Mountains Should Shake--Shutdown

First, sequestration. Now, shutdown. These signal all kinds of issues for our nation politically and economically. They might have the same kinds of issues for us personally, but I am more concerned about an effect they have on the spirits of many of my people. I debated saying “our people,” but I am sticking with “my people” because I am their pastor, and I hold them in my heart.

There are lots of headlines, stories and memes about the shutdown, about federal employees going in to the office on Tuesday to fill out their shutdown papers, but what I have read and heard, often between the lines is uncertainty. And even more, I saw a demoralized sense that their work is not valued, that they are not valued.

This is not an experience for only federal workers. Many in industry and other occupations have experienced it over the last few decades. There is a decrease in a sense of relationship within the workplace between employer and employee. Trust has lessened. I saw my father face it towards the end of his long years with his company.

Just as the rich man forgot his relationship with Lazarus at his gate, so we have been treating one another as cogs in a wheel, as figures on a ledger sheet, as things to be used and toss aside. We have forgotten to treat each other humanely, with dignity, with respect, with care and compassion. On Sunday, Jeremy asked us to take time in the days ahead to spend time with someone alien to us or someone from a different socio-economic group, to build relationship with them. However we deal with that challenge, let us take time and attention to see one another, to care for one another, and to provide a place where we are known and respected.

Though the mountains should shake around us, though the waters threaten to overwhelm us, in God—and hopefully, in God’s people—we find refuge and strength because we can take a longer, larger view. Our beginning, our present and our future is all in God’s care, as is the beginning, present and future of all creation.

Psalm 46:1-3

God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble.

Therefore we will not fear, though the earth should change,

though the mountains shake in the heart of the sea;

though its waters roar and foam,

though the mountains tremble with its tumult.

A Tiny Piece of Sand

Have you ever noticed how a tiny piece of sand or an eensy bit of a stone can start to feel huge when it gets caught inside your shoe? Once it catches your attention, it pulls your focus in close. At times, the focus gets drawn in some so closely that the bit of sand is all we can see. Everything we perceive is seen through that particular lens. It’s a natural thing to happen.

Over the last several weeks, it was really hard to keep my focus from being fixed on a “little bit of sand.” After surgery in July, a complication arose that finally took a second surgery to correct. I am just now beginning to see my way clear past the recovery phase.

Even while we were with family in Texas, I had to work hard to keep this problem from consuming all my focus. I was able to enjoy being with family, but all the time the bit of sand stayed at least at the corner of my awareness.

How often, in our lives, does our attention get drawn away from what is most important and ends up being fixed on our discomfort? We may even begin to wonder how others could not be aware of this bit of sand. Surely they must see how large it looms, and yet they truly seem unaware. For me, it reminds me to have perspective on my own life; it also reminds me that I too am unaware of what is happening in the life of someone else. As God’s grace is sufficient for me, let me also offer it to others.

2 Corinthians 12:7b-9a

Therefore, to keep me from being too elated, a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to torment me, to keep me from being too elated. Three times I appealed to the Lord about this, that it would leave me, but he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is made perfect in weakness.”

Still Small Point

I awoke in the middle of the night and found it hard to go back to sleep, partly because it is hard to sleep propped up on pillows so that a surgical drain stays in place, partly because my mind is filled with reeling thoughts from my reading on church leadership from my D.Min. classes, from a conversation with a young colleague who finds that being sole pastor of a small struggling church can be isolating, from concerns of nestlings that have difficulty leaving the nest, from senseless shootings in DC only one block from our beloved AnnaMaria, and lets face it, from awareness of my impending 60th birthday next week.

Does that single run-on sentence give a small sense of a world that keeps swirling around making it difficult to find peace?

Years ago, in a novel by Dorothy Sayers, a character writes eight lines of a sonnet ending with an image of a spinning world asleep on its axis at a “heart of rest”, but cannot find the right turning for a concluding sestet, and then finds the perfect words written in her notebook by someone to whom she owes her life but who makes no claims upon her. Building on her words and images, he turns the sonnet to a re-sounding, re-echoing heart of music, asleep.

A still center. A still small turning. A still small point. In the work I have done over the last year using Parker Palmer's Courage to Lead© format, one of the important images for me has been that of holding a small bird cupped in my hands. In this discernment work, that small bird represents the person who is the focus of a clearness committee. It's not up to me to launch the bird into flight, or to dissect its abilities. My work is simply to hold it in my hands, keeping my focus on the person, asking a few open and honest questions.

Tonight as I found it difficult to return to the embrace of somnolence, I saw that small bird in my hands as myself in the hands of God's Spirit. God will not force me to fly before being ready. God asks of me some probing, open, honest questions that allow me the privilege of taking time to see myself more deeply, and that allow me to know I am held in a loving, trustworthy embrace. I don't know that sleep will return tonight. That doesn't really matter. What matters is the still small turning, the still small point of God's hands cupped around me in the midst of a swirling universe. I am held. I am loved. I am able to fly when ready.    

Luke 12.7:

But even the hairs of your head are all counted. Do not be afraid; you are of more value than many sparrows.

Surrounded by Grace

Hezekiah 3:16—“God helps those who help themselves.”

I vacillate between not wanting to be a burden and knowing that others want to offer aid. I generally choose the former route. It’s not that I’m trying to be a supermom/pastor/person, but that I’m trying not to impose on anyone. Okay, I will also admit that I do not like looking weak or incompetent. Over the last several weeks, I have had to admit once again that I cannot do it alone. If it weren’t for those around me, I would fall on my face time and again. The closer I get to 60, the more I know I need others.

I could make a long list of those who have made it possible for me to keep going, and who have reminded me that I don’t have to always keep going. Some of those are family like my wonderful sister-in-law Barbara. Some are staff like Jen and Kate. Some are lay leaders like Judy Brown and Cathy Tong. Some are the terrific staff at the Wound Care Center at Virginia Hospital Center. So this week, my note comes a little late as I recover from outpatient surgery. I am grateful that God’s grace comes so much more abundantly than I can ever imagine. Whether in the midst of calm or storm, I am surrounded by our loving God who works through human vessels.

[BTW, if you have been trying to find the book of Hezekiah in the Bible, you won’t be able to find it. While Hezekiah was a king, there is no such book. It makes a great citation though for famous phrases that surely must be in the Bible somewhere, but aren’t. The quote above is actually from Benjamin Franklin. For other Hezekiah citations, see this list.] 

Galatians 6:2

Bear one another’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.

Waves of the Spirit

This week, I sat out at night on the deck hearing the cicadas, crickets and other insects make enough racket to almost drown out the sounds of traffic and the AC condenser—almost enough. Probably my favorite nature sound of all is to hear the waves at the beach. That was one of the best parts about camping at the National Seashore Campground on Ocracoke Island. We were close enough to be able to hear the waves all night long. There was no electricity at the campsites, and generators could not be used after 10 p.m.

The motion and sound of the waves somehow reminds me of the Spirit at work. It is always at work, lapping the shoreline, sometimes gently, sometimes with great gusto and even seemingly brutally. It is always at work but I am not always attentive, especially to the gentle sounds. God’s Spirit is at work in my life, in your life, in the world without fail. Sometimes we notice it, more often not. We tend to notice more when there is the great whooshing of the wind, the roar of unbridled waves in a storm. We notice and are more likely than not discomfited as our lives are disarranged as a shoreline is reconfigured by a storm.

Over the last several months in particular I have been trying to listen, to discern how God’s Spirit is moving in and through Christ Crossman UMC. I hope you have been listening too. This Sunday as we celebrate the Season of Creation in Ocean, I am going to be listening and watching intently as our children receive Bibles, and as our youth share about their experiences in mission this summer. Where and how are their lives being shaped by the Spirit? Where and how is the Spirit shaping the shoreline of our community?

Exodus 14:21b

The Lord drove the sea back by a strong east wind all night, and turned the sea into dry land; and the waters were divided.