Thursday, December 19, 2013

A Sense of Loss at Christmas

Several years ago, before our boys arrived on the scene, I would find myself somewhat disappointed on Christmas morning. My parents would be with us for Christmas Eve and morning, and they always had a slew of gifts for each other—especially Daddy who loved surprising my mother with gifts. [I think that actually came from the year he gave her a popcorn popper as her Christmas gift, when he was the one who really liked popcorn. He learned his lesson well.]

I thought maybe I felt disappointed because they were still opening gifts long after Jeff and I were done. So one year, we decided to concentrate on small gifts in order to extend the joy of opening presents. Even though we delighted each other with thoughtful and fun gifts, I still felt disappointed. Doesn’t that sound crass and ungrateful?

As I reflected on my feelings, I realized that there was always a sense of loss for me at Christmas, and I discovered what it was. The one year my family had driven to Alabama for Christmas rather than my mother’s parents coming to us was the year Granddaddy had a heart attack in late summer and was not supposed to drive long distances. We had Christmas morning between their house and my cousins’ house three doors down. Christmas dinner was midday at their house. For the evening meal, we all drove in separate cars to my cousins’ other grandparents. Dinner was delayed as we kept waiting for Granddaddy and Grary to arrive. They never arrived. As they drove, a car ran a stop sign and hit their car, throwing them from their vehicle. Granddaddy died the next day. Grary was not hurt as badly.

From that time on, Christmas has always had a bit of a feeling of loss. Now that both my parents are gone and Jeff has died, that is a reality not only for me, but for my boys as well. I do not really get into the gifts as much. It is far more important for me to be with the people I love. It is there that I experience Emmanuel—God with us.

My hope for each of you this Christmas is that you allow God’s Spirit to abide in you so that even in moments of disappointment and loss, you will find the deep joy that is God’s gift for you.


Isaiah 9:2

The people who walked in darkness have seen a great light; those who lived in a land of deep darkness— on them light has shined.

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