Those Pesky a priori Assumptions

I had a discussion just the other day where someone said that folks should just read the Bible and then they will know what it says—or something to that effect. I would agree that reading the Bible is important, and so, too, is knowing what it says, but I also believe that we do not come to the Bible, or anything we read or hear, with a blank slate. We bring our culture, our use of language, our time in history, our geographical location, and all sorts of other preconditions along with us.

These are the a priori understandings that can help us get a foothold or handhold when we are facing something new, but they can also prevent us from hearing or seeing what message was intended for the original readers, or what depth it can bring to us now. They can sometimes make us deaf to injustice, or blind to seeing God’s Spirit moving through our lives or in a situation.

The assumptions I have brought with me might be based on experience I have had elsewhere, but if I insist on staying within the bounds of those assumptions then I risk missing having my world opened in amazing ways. I remember a woman who had not come to church for a long time because people were not friendly. Then she came back and asked to have her membership reinstated. After a few weeks, she was gone again. Why? No one welcomed her, she said. I had been watching, and I knew that was not true. She rebuffed every person who spoke with her—both those who had known her from before, and those she had never met. She brought with her an assumption that the church was not a welcoming place, and she would allow nothing to break apart her assumption.

I pray that the grace of God’s Spirit will always keep moving within me to help my spirit, my mind, and my heart stay agile and alert to what new things God might be working within me, and within the world.

Oh, Yes! Oh, No!

Thank goodness we are all different, unique individuals. I know this but it was reinforced recently. I have worked with the MBTI (Myers-Briggs Type Indicator) for thirty years. When I first was introduced to it, I was reluctant. I do not like being boxed in by anyone and it seemed to me that was exactly what it would do. I also, believe it or not, do not like to make undue waves, so when the clergy book study group decided to do it, I went along. The last question asked about wanting to argue with some of the other questions on the indicator. Of course, I selected “yes.”

When we as a group had a workshop with a qualified MBTI interpreter and received our results, it was such a release for me. I had always known that I was different than almost everybody else, at least everybody in my family and most folks I knew. What I discovered is that indeed I am a very different type than others in my family. In fact, out of every one hundred people, there are only three others like me. I found out that I was not crazy after all. While I am different than most people, I have a lot of similarities with a few others. That discovery was a freeing moment for me.

The recent reinforcement came in the form of an article on the internet. It summarized what might be hell[1] for each of the sixteen MBTI types. My hell would be, it said, to have every moment of my life from here on out scheduled for me by someone else, and it would be filled with arbitrary, solitary tasks. Just reading it made me shiver. Who on earth would want to spend all their time on arbitrary, solitary tasks! I read that out loud to someone. The solitary tasks actually sounded appealing to her. She is an introvert; I am an extravert. Introverts tend to find their energy depleted by spending much time with others, even when they like those others. Extraverts tend to find their energy depleted by being alone too much.[2]

I am reminded yet again not to judge or assume that everyone thinks or feels as I do. All I ask is that others also not judge or assume that I should obviously think or feel as they do. The differences in how we take in information, how we see the world, how we make decisions, and how important deadlines are to us—among many other qualities—are gifts. For those who are followers of Jesus, how we make use of them within the Body of Christ and for the world is what is most important. Vive la difference!

1 Corinthians 12:7

To each is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good.

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[1] http://thoughtcatalog.com/heidi-priebe/2015/05/the-definition-of-hell-for-each-myers-briggs-personality-type/

[2]  You will notice that I used the word “tend” in describing both introverts and extraverts. We all have both qualities of introversion and extraversion; one simply tends to be predominant over the other.   Over the years, I have even found persons who answered “no” to the last question (see above).

My First Uber Ride

This past week I took my first Uber ride. An unexpected situation called for a fast return from DC. My driver was Feruz, originally from Tajikstan. While my mind was somewhat occupied with the reason for the faster trip, Feruz wanted to converse. He told me that he had seen the WWII planes fly overhead--I hadn't seen them since I had been underground on the Metro. He said Russia always did a big celebration for VE Day, but they also always conveniently forgot the other parts of the area, such as his nation, which had also played major roles in the victory.

This led him to talk about how those in power tend to look out for their own interests, such as accumulating wealth and prolonging their hold on power. I shared with him that just the night before a small group of us had been talking about evil, and had decided that the most common denominator of what we saw as evil was when we humans--and our human systems--set up something as our ultimate "good," or aim, that was less than God, or when we tried to make God over into our own image. 

He said that while he was a practitioner of Islam, sometimes he thought his questions meant that he didn't believe in God anymore. I said that I don't think God is bothered when we ask questions, that God wants us to use the gift of our minds.  He was wondering where God had come from. Good question, I said. I shared my understanding that all of creation has come from God, and that there is not a single part, or person from whom God is separated; that God's love was so powerful that all creation flows from it, and also towards it in the ultimate purpose of God.

He talked about the Prophets, and how some have distorted their words. I said that true prophets call us back to relationship with God. Then I said, when Issa--our Jesus--was asked about the greatest commandment, he said it is "to love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength; and the second is like it-- to love our neighbor as ourself. All the Law is summed up in these two." Loving God and loving neighbor, we agreed, was truly what our faiths share in common. 

It was an interesting first Uber ride.

Matthew  22:36-40

“Teacher, which commandment in the law is the greatest?” He said to him, “’You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.’ This is the greatest and first commandment. And a second is like it: ‘You shall love your neighbor as yourself.’ On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets.”My 

Seven Out of My Top Ten

I’ve had a while to be thinking about this. First, I want to go back about forty-two years ago to something I heard at a talk on relationships when I was in college. The speaker said that if you feel like you cannot live without someone, then that is not a healthy relationship. Did you get that? If you feel like you cannot live without someone, then that is not a healthy relationship

And now you say, “whoa! Hey Mochel, aren’t we supposed to be all focused on romantic love here today?” Well, yes and no. What I want to focus on here today is how we live together in relationships where we each can grow into the best of who we are, celebrating each other.

So, number one: take a good look at the one you love, straight in the eyes, filled with love for them, and know this truth: you could live without them. I am not saying that you would want to, but that you could. Take it from me, I know. As much of a contrarian as Jeff could be, I still miss him every day, but I am not less of me without him. God made you to be a whole person, fully gifted, fully loved. Please do not dishonor that precious gift.

From my wedding homily for Ben & Audrey:

Number two: I know you have heard what Paul wrote to the Christians in Ephesus, even if you didn’t know it was Paul who said it: “do not let the sun go down on your anger.” That is important. I haven’t always succeeded at this, but I have tried.

Number three is related: Own your own feelings. Manage your own anxiety. Do not try to make your spouse manage it for you. I wish I had learned this so much earlier.

Number four: Use “I” statements. Forget the finger pointing. Forget the accusations. If you cannot figure out how to say something from the first person singular, then maybe you really aren’t ready to say it. “When such-and-such happened, I was caught off guard. I felt dishonored, I felt angry.”

Number five: Take time outs. When the heat is up, take a deep breath, say “I need to go think, take a walk, defrost the fridge—whatever, but let’s meet back here in twenty minutes, half an hour, tomorrow, again however long.” But take a time out, and then come back. Take another time out if needed, however many, but come back. Do not just walk out. And walking out doesn’t have to look like leaving a room, a house. It can sound like silence.  Talk it out, using those “I” statements.

Number six: Do not isolate yourself, or yourselves. Even as introverts, make sure that you engage with each other, and with others.

Number seven: Choose to love. Love is not a feeling. Love is a decision, an action. I may not feel very “loving” in a particular moment, but I choose to love.

Ephesians 4.26:

Be angry but do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger.