What We Remember

In a trial, eyewitnesses are often produced as bringing irrefutable evidence that a certain event happened. Verdicts are sometimes based on what an eyewitness has said. It is important to hear this evidence, but we have to remember that different eyewitnesses of the same event can report various versions based on their perspective, their preconceived notions and even what they hear afterwards. It’s not that they are lying; it is that they see and understand things differently.

I recall several occasions growing up when I talked about a memory and my mother said that it didn’t happen, or at least not in the way I remembered it. I was just as certain in my memory as she was. Was either of us lying? I don’t think so. We each processed events through our own experience. In recalling the past, our own story is shaped in some ways by our desires, and our understanding of what is meaningful for us.

At various times, I have looked back through my life and what I know of my family trying to understand how I grew to be who I am. Each time I look back, I have a slightly different perspective because of what I have learned before and because of the particular lens through which I am looking. When I worked with a Jungian analyst, dreams and symbols throughout my life figured largely. Now that I am looking through the lens of Bowen Family Systems Theory, I see how my family tended to deal with stress and anxiety. Neither story is wrong; they each bring a different perspective.

I think I am still too close to events of the last few years with Jeff to be able to see very clearly. When I am trying to “read the story,” different angles affect the plot line. Is it the story of our love, or the story of answering different calls? Is it cast through our roles as parents—both wannabe and for real? Some of the story lines bring me great joy; some are reminders of pain. They are equally true. They are all a part of our life together.

They are each a factor in who I have come to be, but my past is not the sole determination of who I am, and what my story is. The future and the purpose to which I am called have as much or more to do with my story. The proof of the pudding will be when I stand in awe and worship with the veil removed and see my Creator and Redeemer face to face. Then I will understand what is most important about my story. Until that time I have to be content with an image seen in a mirror.

1 Corinthians 13:12

For now we see in a mirror, dimly, but then we will see face to face. Now I know only in part; then I will know fully, even as I have been fully known.