Watching from the Edge

On the edge.  That's a description of how I realized I felt while sitting at Starbucks the other day. I watched people walk by, and realize that I sit on the edge. I don't mean on the edge as in an anxious place, but on the edge of a group. For much of my life, I have tended to sit and observe.  I don't automatically feel a part of a group, and so find myself surprised when drawn in or included by others. I observe as others speak and interact. I wonder about their lives, what makes them tick, why they act or react as they do. I even observe myself, offering critique while I speak, wondering why I act or react as I do. I gauge what I am saying, and what response there is, making modifications in the moment.

Maybe this is a part of what contributes to my style of leadership. I don't see myself as stepping ahead of a group, leading a charge. While that is a legitimate type of leadership and works for some people, and even on occasion for me, I see myself more at work listening—both to God and to people-- gathering information, sensing call and direction. I test the waters, refining and making modifications in the very midst of testing.

Snipping away parts of folded paper to make a snowflake—this belongs, that

doesn’t. Weaving free-form without a pattern or preset design—choosing what colors work together now, not then.

I know this style of working and leadership can drive straightforward people up the wall at times, as I confess it can me as well, but there are times when we truly need to wait and see where it is that God’s Spirit is leading, and knowing even as we wait that it will be good because it is of God.

As I look to the new year beginning, I know it is a year of discernment for me. I will watch, observe and listen to see how God’s Spirit is leading me. I pray time and patience for you as well in the year to come.

Matthew 24:36

But about that day and hour no one knows, neither the angels of heaven, nor the Son, but only the Father.