Sorting

Sorting through decisions is not easy work. I had been thinking about this for quite some time. The weight of responsibility of all the maintenance for house and yard is more than I want to carry by myself. Yes, I have a great handyman who has worked with us for nine years, a really terrific housecleaner for the last two, and a young college student’s lawn service for the last year. They have made an incredible difference, but still the responsibility for all the decisions is mine.

Like many decisions in my life, I mull over them, trying them on in my mind, until the time seems right. To other folks, it might look like a spur-of-the-moment move, but generally it is not. So the house is going on the market, and we have been working hard to get it ready.

Sorting through a house is not easy work. Thanks to friends who have helped, we have made tremendous progress. In a way, I wanted it all to be sorted before this weekend, but with my classes these last two weeks, I couldn’t get it all done. I have realized that since the attic got sorted in a big way last Saturday, I now have space to put things up there that still need decisions made. Part of the problem with this process is that I when I hold an object in my hand, I remember where it came from, and what Jeff and I were doing. Memories can make it really hard to downsize. I keep reminding myself that while things may help me remember, they themselves are not the memories.

Sorting through a life is not easy work. What are the memories that bring joy? Which bring sadness? Or laughter? Or regret? Where are the tracks of grace? The hints of hope?

While the process of moving from the house that Jeff, the boys and I made into our home will be complete one day in the not too distant future, the process of examining my life will never be complete. Each new turning of the way brings new insights and understanding. The story is told in ever new ways because in all the decisions, in all the things, in all the parts of my life, God is ever present, nudging me on, walking with me, calling me forward to a life a purpose. And there is the grace.

Psalm 78.35:

They remembered that God was their rock, the Most High God their redeemer.