We just finished our annual Groundhog Day tradition—watching the 1993 movie Groundhog Day. The arrogant, self-centered prig Phil Connors endures a purgatory of seemingly endless repeats of the same day. Through his ordeal, he enters further into self-centeredness, at one point calling himself “a god, not THE GOD, but a god,” because he knows what is going to happen before it happens since he has seen it so many times before. He descends into a morass of suicides because he can’t take it anymore, but every morning he awakes to the 6 a.m. alarm on February 2nd. The beauty of poetry and music begin speaking to him. He begins using his time to see what others might need, rather than filling his own desires. Finally, one February 2nd comes when he is able to say, “I don't deserve someone like you. But If I ever could, I swear I would love you for the rest of my life…. Whatever happens tomorrow, or for the rest of my life, I'm happy now... because I love you.”
For all the times that Phil tried to take his life out of despair, it didn’t make a difference because he was not really “losing his life.” His focus was still completely on himself. When he comes to the point of being able to be completely in the moment, giving up any thoughts of trying to manipulate his way, of working things to his own advantage, he loses himself, and his new life begins.
In some ways, I understand Jesus’ words that if we want to save our life then we have to lose it, but I almost always stumble over those very words at a burial, especially when those gathered are minimally Christian at best. Even Christians find those words difficult. Aren’t we supposed to love life? Why should we hate it? Why should we lose it? This time in watching Groundhog Day I saw Jesus’ words come to life in a new way. While Phil is a caricature of self-centeredness, in some ways he represents me. Whenever I seek my own advantage, my own pleasure to the point of centering on myself, then I forfeit my life. I may not die, but I will not have fullness of life. That comes when I am able to surrender my self-centeredness and seek to serve as Jesus served.
Mark 8:35-37 For those who want to save their life will lose it, and those who lose their life for my sake, and for the sake of the gospel, will save it. For what will it profit them to gain the whole world and forfeit their life? Indeed, what can they give in return for their life?
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