What do I want to be when I grow up? Or more to the point,
what do I really want to do when I am on my own? That’s important to figure out
because the day is coming in the not too distant future.
I have spent so many years juggling the desires and needs of
others that I am not really sure what I want to do all on my own. I get little
glimpses into this dilemma when I find myself home alone for several hours. I
have never been a stay-at-home mom. I don’t find great joy in doing housework.
I love to read but I need human stimulation as well. I like to cook but really
for special occasions. I think I would like to weave again, but it’s been so
long that I’m not sure. All of these are things that are mostly on the outside
of me.
What I really want is to be, as Jen has said, “so full of
Christ that there is no room for regrets.” This is especially true as I have
faced once again the truth that all the plans I make for the distant or even
not so distant future can be thrown awry at anytime.
The phrase that keeps coming to mind is one from the old RSV
of the Bible: “into the fullness of the measure of the stature of Christ.” What
do I want to be when I grow up, or when I am on my own? I want to be at peace
with God, with myself, with my family, with my neighbors. I want to be so full
of Christ that there is no room for regrets.
P.S. My surgery went well. The sentinel lymph nodes were
clear of cancer. Now I wait for the word on when radiation begins. Thank you
all for your prayers, cards, meals and support.
Ephesians 4:13
until all of us come to the unity
of the faith and of the knowledge of the Son of God, to maturity, to the
measure of the full stature of Christ.
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